Noida. Leading Hindi news channel India TV has bought a “psychic donkey” that would predict outcomes of cricket matches by back-kicking footballs representing the contesting teams in a match. The donkey, apparently named Chunky by its former owner, would be branded as “Chunky, the Shy-Kick Donkey” and is expected to be a major TRP grosser for the news channel during the upcoming World Cup and IPL tournaments.
“We are calling it ‘Shy-Kick’ as Chunky doesn’t appear too upbeat upon taking part in the post-match discussions in our studio,” India TV’s Managing Editor Vinod Kapri clarified, “Our original plan was not only to use Chunky for predictions, but also involve him in analysis of the game.”
“We tried our best to teach Chunky to at least nod or shake his head as responses to some typical questions by news anchors, but he is very shy,” the channels’ editorial head expressed his helplessness.
Mr. Kapri rejected criticisms that it would have been too outlandish and maybe even offensive to involve a donkey in analyzing performances of the teams in a television news studio.
“With proper training, donkeys can take part in prime time news debates,” he claimed, “But this Chunky guy seems low on self-confidence as compared to other guests we normally see on television.”
“Gadha kahin ka,” he muttered with a little annoyance in his tone.
It’s not yet known how much did India TV pay to buy Chunky, but the donkey is now an integral part of the editorial team of the news channel, unless the channel decides to lay him off or transfer him to some other news channel.
“We got a good deal,” confirmed the HR head of India TV, “Chunky would not be drawing any monthly salaries, would be always on duty, and the only operational cost involved would be the leftover food of the canteen!”
“Chunky is a dream employee,” added the HR head, though he declined to comment how good a “journalist” Chunky would prove to be. “Let’s wait till the performance appraisal next year,” he said after persistent questioning by Faking News.
The show involving Chunky, the Shy-Kick Donkey could tentatively be called “Gadhe Ka Gyaan” (wisdom of the donkey) so that it can be used for non-cricketing predictions as well in future.