Mumbai. Jagdish Mishra, 32, an IT engineer from Mumbai was admitted to ICU in Kamineni Hospital after he was seen lying down unconscious in his apartment in Bandra West.
According to Jagdish’s family, he was watching The Newshour, Arnab Goswami’s debate on Times Now channel, when he cried loudly with impatience, face turned pale, looked frightened, struggling to change the TV channel with remote in his hand, before tumbling to the ground.
Doctors of Kamineni Hospitals confirmed that Jagdish was diagnosed with a dreadful disease called “Arnabola”.
“We can not say anything until next 48 hours. He is suffering with Arnabola – final phase, this is more dangerous than Ebola. There are 2417 patients registered with Arnabola symptoms all across the world till now. Arnabola, which is named after Arnab Goswami, is a disease that affects only The Newshour viewers watching Arnab’s debates,” the doctor told Faking News.
“Phase 1 is not so dangerous, victims in phase-1 develop hating their country and all political parties. In phase-2, they start hating their society and family members. And in phase-3 they hate themselves and in phase-4 everyone else hates the victim. In final phase, which is phase 5, victim goes into coma,” explained the doctor by showing a chart on a whiteboard in his room.
Jagdish’s colleagues who were present at the hospital remembered how Jagdish’s behaviour changed in last few weeks.
“He was not behaving well lately. He was insanely aggressive and arrogant. Last month, I had sent him an email invitation to my birthday party. He replied back saying ‘How dare you to invite me?’. He wrote the same sentence 500 times in the email before ending with a line saying ‘Nation wants to know’. I thought he was just crazy, I didn’t know he was suffering with Arnabola,” recalled Karan Singh, Jagdish’s colleague from Chipo Technologies.
On seeing an increasing number of Arnabola cases, in its press release, the government informed that they could not stop airing of The Newshour as it would violate international treaties with Khazakistan and Uzbekistan.
But, from now on, the debate shall be aired with a warning, saying, ‘The Newshour is injurious to health’.
Govt also announced its plans to make an extremely disgusting and boring video that will be telecasted before the The Newshour programme to educate people about Arnabola (as if the The Newshour’s torture let alone is not enough to damage viewer’s brain cells).
Meanwhile, Arnab continued his regular The Newshour programme on Times Now as usual. Today’s debate is on his favourite topic – ‘Kejriwal’s U turn’, based on the ‘U’ turn that Kejriwal actually took on Delhi central road to avoid traffic.