Monday, 17th February, 2020


News-channels unable to comment on a church-theft after culprit refuses to disclose his religion

25, Apr 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

Mumbai. Many eminent journalists, news presenters, anchors, panel debaters and social activists throughout the country were left in a fix yesterday morning when a fresh church-theft was reported but the religion of the thief could not be determined even after multiple attempts. Police interrogated continuously tortured the thief for hours at stretch to know his name and understand his background but he did not reveal a single detail. Agencies could not get any positive ID on him in any of the national databases as well.

Many of the distinguished news-presenters from major news channels who were initially quite orgasmic on listening about a church-theft, later flatly refused to cover this story because of no clue over culprit’s religion. A couple of self-styled anchors did try to hold detailed panel debates over this issue but all panel participants were largely clueless and hence failed to debate on the issue. As a result few debates had to be prematurely concluded.

Church that was allegedly looted.
Church that was allegedly looted.

Below are some of the excerpts from panel-debates and news presentations that did actually happen on this issue.

News Channel #1 – News presentation

News Presenter: “In a very serious incident yesterday night a man, whose name is not yet known, was arrested for forcefully entering a church and stealing cakes and pastries and further destroying an already broken bench to light a bon-fire. The culprit claims to have eaten cakes as he was hungry from past 2 days and further claims to have lit the fire to protect himself from extreme cold. But his intentions could easily be termed as notorious theft and extreme vandalism and arson on church property owing to religious hatred and communal thoughts.

Since the culprit belongs to … belongs to … apologies it is not yet know if he is a Hindu or from another religion. There is no body mark or tattoo or locket on him that can tell us about who he is … since … hmm … well he may … the reasons behind his actions … hmm well … moving onto another serious news a 12th standard student Karan refused to take his girlfriend to prom-night because there is actually no concept of prom in their community-school in Shyamapur village .… ”


News Channel #2 – Panel debate

Anchor: “The nation wants to know, who is this culprit, is he a Hindu, is he an extremist, is he a lunatic .. who is he … let’s kick start this discussion .. moving first on to Dr. Suresh in our studios today .. Doctor what can be the cruel intentions of this guy? … what could be the grudge he is holding? … the nation wants to know .. .. badly wants to know”

Panelist: “I mean .. look he can be just a normal hungry man .. this is the only thing I can think of … did we find any locket on him? Religious items? Any religious prayer he said?”

Anchor: “No we haven’t Doctor Suresh, nothing on that as yet, we have 2 reporters permanently stationed outside his cell 24 x 7, but nothing on his religion … .. but I am not getting the right answers from you … why did he do it?”

Panelist: “Tough to say with given info, perhaps he just needed a place to stay .. ”

Anchor: “But the nation wants to know Doctor Suresh … tell me right NOW”

Panelist: “I KNOW THE NATION WANTS TO KNOW .. OK .. BUT I ALSO DON’T KNOW .. OK … perhaps he was a just hungry guy who needed shelter for night.”

Anchor: “Fine … poverty .. that’s the thing .. he is a poor soul … I repeat government’s capitalistic policies that made him poor … that’s the reason …. India that’s the answer you were looking for .. moving onto another serious news about a 12th standard kid from Shyamapur village ….”


While culprit’s religion could not be determined until this article was written but all attempts to obtain that info were in progress. The culprit was even heard singing “Ai maalik tere bande hum” while being bandaged, an evidence which was immediately relayed to major media houses. But even with this fresh evidence forensic experts have exhibited helplessness in determining culprit’s religion.