New Delhi: After the recent controversy over Narendra Modi’s degrees, political parties in India have decided to start their very own Universities to ensure that every leader has a degree that is easily verifiable. BJP, Congress and AAP have already opened their universities and other parties are expected to follow suit. In an exclusive, Faking News managed to get details of these Universities.
BJP University: This is the only university which is jack of all trades, but master of none. It has a couple of hardworking alumnus, who don’t know how to communicate. The top management of the university is always at loggerheads with the middle management. However, it has assorted specialisations. Professor Gadkari teaches organic farming, without wasting any water. Diplomacy skills of Sakshi Maharaj and Adityanath are world famous. If there is anyone in the world who understands importance of social media, it is Professor Shah. Arun Jaitley, who is known to be more favourite with the opposition camp, can be called the modern day Dale Carnegie. Admission Criteria: 25000+ followers on twitter. Noted Professors:
Narendra Modi: World geography Nitin Gadkari :- Organic farming Sakshi Maharaj and Yogi Adityanath:- Political correctness and creative writing Amit Shah :- Social Media management Arun Jaitley :- Diplomacy and HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE
Congress University: – This University can put any big B-school to shame, only university in India that teaches students how to make money quickly. Entrepreneur Robert Vadra is not only a noted alumnus of this university but also a guest lecturer here. He can teach students a thing or two about property management and farming. If you can’t learn the art of making money from this university, most probably you can’t learn it anywhere. Admission criteria: Naming everyone in Nehru-Gandhi family tree correctly. Noted Professors: Rahul Gandhi: – Professor of long term strategy Sonia Gandhi: – Hindi language and diction Robert Vadra :- Guest lecturer on farming and property management Abhishek Manu Singhvi :- Audio Visual Communications Manmohan Singh: – Oratory and the art of silent communication Chidambaram: – Accounting and financial (mis)management
AAP University: This University specialises in mass communication, activism and advertising. It might be better than most C-schools (communication schools please don’t misunderstand). AAP’s personal Wren and Martin THE ASHUTOSH will teach English at the university, making it the best place to learn the language. Professor Kejriwal’s expertise in advertising can put world’s best media planners to shame. Somnath Bharti’s work in the field of women empowerment is well known; hence his lecturers on women’s rights will be enlightening for students. University also has guest lectures by Vishal Dadlani, Vishal will teach students how to be a part time activist while trying to manage full time work. Admission Criteria: Ability to blame Modi maximum times during the interview Noted Professors: THE ASHUTOSH: Professor for English and Communication Shri Kejriwal: Dharna Management , activism, and use of Social Media, advertising and mass communication Somnath Bharti: Women’s rights Vishal Dadlani: Guest lecturer on how to manage activism along with a full-time job.