CAG finds huge scam in Gov’s decision to buy Chinese firewall to block internet

24, Aug 2012 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Yet another scam, as claimed by CAG, has come out in open. CAG has claimed that there has been loot and fraud behind government’s decision to buy a firewall from China that is supposed to block everything “objectionable” and “unpleasant” on Internet.

“Government bought The Great Firewall of China for 3860000127001 rupees, causing a loss of 3860000000000 rupees to the national exchequer,” a CAG report concluded and claimed that there were too many irregularities in buying the Firewall.

CAG claimed that the government bought the Firewall through an auction even though they could have gone for Frist Come First Serve (FCFS) policy and got that software for just around a lakh rupees.

This picture was used to explain the meaning of Firewall to the government officials

“India was the only interested buyer of the Firewall that turned up to purchase it,” a CAG source told Faking News, “And can you believe it, they still went for the auction route! Just before the hammer came down, they’d increase their own bid and finally settled to buy it for 3.86 lakh crore rupees.”

However government sources have defended buying the Chinese firewall in a one-to-one auction saying this was a “policy decision” and most probably the policy was sent by the BJP government.

Officials in Department of Telecommunications further claimed that India desperately needed the firewall because China is known to the best in censorship.

“We also tried contacting North Korea but our emails bounced back,” an official in DoT revealed, “We tried to find out North Korea on Google Maps but it was too complex, so we decided to fall back upon the tried and tested Chinese firewall of censorship.”

It is believed that Chinese firewall is so powerful that it blocks everything, including foreign porn (Mahesh Bhatt had apparently requested the government to block Sunny Leone porn around the time movie Jism2 had released).

Indian officials claim that by following China in censorship, bilateral ties between the two countries could get a boost and China might allow them to visit Arunachal Pradesh.

DoT source told our reporter that this firewall was so awesome/intelligent that it was capable of changing contents directly on any local social media and services.

“We had a test run where we replaced every mention of ‘Albert Einstein’ with ‘Rahul Gandhi’ – the results were very encouraging and Kapil Sibal gave us a green signal to buy the firewall at any cost,” the source informed.

While the government is happy at this prized possession, CAG report and the public outrage over this “Firewall Scam” has spoiled the party.

“Who pays so much for a Chinese product!?” protested an anonymous Twitter user @braveindianman.

“This Firewall must prove to be a Farewell to this government!” tweeted another user, whose Twitter handle was noted down by the DoT source in his diary.

(based on inputs by Twitter user @koolhead17)