Friday, 3rd April, 2020


Count Dracula floats NGO for vampire-rights; wants minority status, blood sucking legalized

27, Apr 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

New Delhi: Count Vlad Tepes “the impaler” from Transylvania, properly addressed as Count Dracula, was in city to inaugurate an exhibition on ancient European arts. He had also organized a high-tea and met up with several human rights activists to understand human concerns about vampires.

He assured them continued co-operation from himself and his breed. Later he also addressed a small press conference after the exhibition and high-tea were over.

After sitting quietly at the press conference for a few minutes he finally began in a deep, calm voice, “Welcome everyone to this conference. I apologize if I sound a bit weary. I am actually a bit worn out due to my flight after which I came straight from airport to here. I have just hacked .. apologies ..  I meant I have just sacked my personal secretary for this bad itinerary planning. Onboard the flight I did watch some vampire-movies after a long time, as it was a long flight from Frankfurt to New Delhi. The vampire movies these days are just gross, no elegance of old times.”

A generous Count Dracula
A generous Count Dracula

“Anyhow I will talk about a couple of important points to you gentlemen. A) vampire rights, B) vampire privileges. Vampire rights and privileges are very crucial these days as our-kind is severely depleted due to a lot of natural and man-made hunters. (Count Dracula also showed a power-point presentation with a data-chart depicting their depleting numbers over the years)”

“So as a minority community we seek protection, harmony and love from our human brothers. As a gesture of love, most of us have stopped biting humans and sucking their blood and have resorted to drinking chemically prepared blood substitutes. This dietary change is affecting our health in a bad way, but that is a sacrifice we are willing to make. In return all we ask is that every vampire be given blood sucking opportunity, once in every few days, say every 3 days. We can negotiate on this number and reach a final number through mutual cooperation but this is an activity which will help us survive as a species,” Count Dracula said.

When asked about his new NGO, count Dracula gave a short-lived smile-like expression and said, “Yes, that is a new non-government organization which I have just registered in Romania to fight for vampire rights. We have also bought some real-estate adjacent to beautiful Danube river and our new plush office is under construction. Having a local branch-office here in India is also on cards, but we are still working on legal paper-work around that. This NGO is also in need for funds and volunteers so you all are welcome to contribute.”

In the middle of the press conference Count Dracula suddenly started coughing loudly and got into a fit of coughs, as smell of garlic tea which was being served at the press conference spread in the whole room. Extremely allergic to garlic he was quickly escorted out of the room into the gallery where he suffered serious burns owing to sudden exposure to sun-light. He was immediately rushed to AIIMS where after a few hours of solitary confinement and self-healing he was declared completely fit by doctors.

While Count Dracula has rejected all offers of News channel panel discussions, he is expected to be holding another high-tea event early next week where he would be meeting several dynasty princes and discuss his views on purity of blood and its impact on policy making.