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Dip in voter turnout feared due to mass hangover resulting from alcohol being distributed

03, Dec 2013 By idiot420

New Delhi. A day before polling for Delhi assembly, intelligence agencies have issued an advance warning of expected dip in voter turnout because of possible mass hangover resulting from alcohol being distributed to buy votes.

Agencies have reportedly tipped the government about an ongoing conspiracy, where local leaders are manipulating the alcohol concentration of bottles being supplied to rival groups.

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Some voters might not enter polling booths fearing a pink buffalo inside

“Whisky, Vodka, and Rum with alcohol percentage as high as 60% are being sold to political leaders, who are buying them for election campaigning,” said a person close to government, “And leaders are distributing the same bottles to buy votes, which is surely going to backfire on election day, as their voters most probably would be asleep whole day tomorrow.”

This sensational revelation has created panic among local leaders, who are now brainstorming about ways to minimize the damage.

“First we wasted money feeding them biryani and yet they left the rallies when our leader was speaking, and now it seems we have wasted the alcohol too!” a sitting MLA told Faking News, “These opposition guys have stooped too low.”

However the MLA said that they have not lost all hopes and they he had a plan B ready.

“Tonight we are going to distribute disprins and pamphlets carrying tips to avoid hangover. We will also give them free Pizzas. Carbohydrate-filled foods such as pizza and pasta are best for preventing hangovers,” the MLA displayed his knowledge.

Besides these precautionary measures, parties have also formed area specific disaster management groups to keep track of people they have distributed alcohol to. On the polling day, they will check all their target voters, and if found in a state of hangover, volunteers will show them Sajid Khan movies that are rumored to get rid of hangovers.

While all political parties are blaming each other for the conspiracy, some voters feel that this is a welcome step.

“Let people, who vote on the basis of who gives them free alcohol, keep asleep on the voting day. We will have a fair result truly representing an informed choice,” said a person who had earlier proposed installing mental detectors at polling booths to stop idiots from voting.