Lucknow. “Head north towards Maya#3899, Turn left at Elephant#23, Pass by the KansiRam#19 and take a final right at Ambedkar#6” was how Google Maps gave directions to Chandru Prasad when he used his Android phone to find out how to reach Pandey Paan Bhandar from his house.
Starting today, Google is planning to use the ever growing statues in the state for the benefit of aam aadmi.
“We have launched our services in Beta stage in Lucknow and we hope to extend these services all over the state once the Indian courts give green signal to Miss Mayawati for completing her statue building projects,” Google CEO Eric Schmidt told Faking News.
Sources inform that a “statue predictor algorithm” designed by Google engineers had estimated that Lucknow would have a Mayawati statue after every hundred feet by the year 2020.
“This is huge! We don’t even expect street lights or traffic signals cropping up at similar rates; nothing could give a sense of direction in the state better than the statues, and that’s why we decided to incorporate them into our services,” Google CEO explained.
The news has brought an early Diwali for Maya’s supporters in the state capital, and even the Chief Minister herself was happy with the announcement.
“We thank Maanniya Google Ji for taking this noble step that will help the poor people in Uttar Pradesh,” Mayawati read out a prepared statement in a press conference. Later her Chief Secretary informed that the government will provide the required data to Google engineers, and the statues would be meticulously numbered in order to make direction-giving easy and accurate.
Government sources inform that the news has excited Behenji so much that she is planning to build a statue of herself that would be the tallest in the world.
“Taller than the Christ the Redeemer and the Statue of Liberty put together,” a government source informed. Faking News learnt that this proposed tallest statue of Mayawati would be called the “Redeemer of Poverty” symbolizing Maya’s constant concern for the poor.
Besides, the statue will have Mayawati holding an elephant in her right arm, instead of the customary torch. “This is to symbolize her power and stature,” explained the source.
This decision, as expected, hasn’t gone down well with the Samajwadi Party leaders who have vowed to demolish the statue once they come back to power, even if that means partnering with the BJP for the demolition, while Congress workers are reportedly working on a “counter offensive”.
“They are planning to come up with Gandhi Maps to counter Google Maps; the Gandhi Maps will use all the monuments, offices, roads and other constructions named after Nehru-Gandhi family members as the landmarks for giving directions,” a Congress source revealed.