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Government suspends Rahul Gandhi's security guards for failing to kill mosquitoes

24, Oct 2013 By idiot420

New Delhi. Barely a few hours after Rahul Gandhi disclosed the unfortunate incident of 2009, when he was ambushed and barbarically bitten by an army of 25 thousand mosquitoes, Government of India has suspended his security guards who were on duty at that time.

“Rahul Ji never revealed this fact till now as he was afraid that the poor security guards would be fired, so he took a big risk and decided to not tell it to anybody,” said Rahul’s political mentor Digvijay Singh, “But now that we know, we can’t ignore such a dangerous security lapse. Tough steps need to be taken.”

Reportedly, a couple of days earlier, while he was in Rajasthan, he saw a mosquito roaming around him. He immediately recognized it as it was the same one that was leading the group of 25000 mosquitoes back in 2009. A terrified Rahul couldn’t sleep the whole night.

Rahul Gandhi
ek bhi machchhar khatarnaak hai

Next day, at a rally in Churu, he finally revealed that his life was in danger, but didn’t disclose the reason. However, he couldn’t keep the secret with him for long and today he claimed how these flying monsters were after his life.

The revelations by the young Gandhi has left everyone in the party and the government jittery. In a hurriedly called meeting by the Home Minister, the security guards were held responsible for this serious breach in security.

But the security guards have refused denied that any laxity on duty. “We have never left Rahul baba alone and we can’t recall any such incident. Maybe the mosquitoes bit him when he went near a bush to take a leak. We can’t really accompany him to those places,” claimed Sanjay Jha (name changed), the suspended security guard who was on duty when mosquitoes attacked Rahul.

Apart from suspending the guards, the central government has issued a high alert in all areas where Rahul Gandhi is scheduled to visit for rallies. Special mosquito killer teams have been deployed at those places.

“Senior bureaucrats, who have become expert at killing flies in office, are personally leading and training such teams,” a government source told Faking News.

The source further revealed that Rahul’s security has been enhanced from Z+ to Z-Mortein-Plus. He will be surrounded by a team of 36 guards, who will be carrying and spraying mosquito repellents twice per hour. When he will be out of his car, he will always be under a big mosquito net.

“If the mosquitoes fly too high, we will take help of Air Force,” informed Home Minister Shushil Kumar Shinde, explaining the gravity of the situation.

Meanwhile, a senior BJP leader mocked Rahul’s drama and claimed that mosquitoes were present even during Narendra Modi’s rallies, but not a single mosquito survives when people start clapping.