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Central government set to hire new CBI, IB officers to meet AAP needs

02, Jan 2016 By shreyash

New Delhi: In a rather odd move, which aims to even out differences between Government of India and the Government of Kejriwal, Ministry of Rare Skills and Development has decided to induct fresh talent into CBI and IB to fulfil AAP’s demand for 10 CBI and IB officers. Understanding that none of our currentofficers are equipped to work withAAP government’s unique mindset, New Delhi has decided to recruit fresh faces required for the job.

CBI team to help DDCA probe
CBI team to help DDCA probe

Government sources indicate that current officers in IB and CBI are used to working in secrecy as anonymity is of utmost importance in their current assignments. However, working with AAP would mean that that all investigations including surprise raids will be announced in advance for TV crews to be present for live coverage. As even the most elite cadre is not equipped to work under such challenging circumstances, recruiting fresh blood seems to be the only way out.

‘We cannot ignore the evolving political landscape. Investigations conducted under public eye is the change India has voted for’ said Mr. Sisodia heartily supporting this initiative.

As the recruitment process will also have to be tweaked a bit, GOI has requested services of legendary AAP member  Raghu Ram, whose experience in conducting pressure interviews and recruiting the most passionate of people requires no introduction. Raghu has devised an ingenuous method for finding best people for the job. ‘This job requires people who can show disregard to established laws and are totally averse to applying any amount of common sense. We politely discourage people withhigh affinity for logical reasoning from applying to these positions. We are not looking for candidates whohave eye for details or theones trying to digout the facts in any given situation.We arelooking for highly motivated individuals, who can create their own facts and successfully convince people that their version is the only correct version, one who are able to draw conclusions without really bothering to get to the root of the issue’ said Raghuwith sincerity and conviction.

The new selection process will consist of a written round which will help filter out dimwits with high IQs, a rapid fire round where candidates will have to send out the maximum number of tweets in an hour, a debate round where aspirantsaccuse each other without giving supporting arguments and the final round will be a pressure interview with the honorable CM of Delhi, Mr. Arvind Kejriwal. To maintain high levels of transparency, all rounds will be telecast live and winners will be decided based on SMS polls. (AAP reserves the right to ignore responses as deemed fit).

AAP refused to entertain queries when questioned by our Faking News team that such a process will expose identity of recruits and might hamper their investigations. ‘Only psychopaths and cowards are worried about reaching a conclusion’quipped an unnamed AAP source.