Kashmir. In an attempt to attract more attention and international media coverage, Hurriyat has released a new protest calendar that features around a dozen Pakistani models, including Veena Malik, the ex-girlfriend of Pakistani cricketer Mohammad Asif. The calendar covers detailed plans for stone-pelting at various places in Jammu & Kashmir for the next eleven days and modestly uncovers hot bodies of some really good looking Pakistani models.
“Our campaign has successfully martyred over 70 Kashmiris in the past few weeks, but we are still not hitting the headlines on CNN or BBC, while this Veena girl was all over news channels for some spot-fixing thing. We thought we needed to fix up our campaign.” concluded Syed Ali Shah Geelani, one of the leading separatist leaders, after attending an All Parties Hurriyat Conference meeting on ways to secure Azadi and uphold the ethos of Kashmiriyat.
The meeting was held to devise strategies to counter the all-party meeting called by Prime Minister in New Delhi to discuss the Kashmir crisis. But within minutes the Hurriyat leaders realized that they didn’t need to counter New Delhi as it didn’t seem to have any strategy at all for Kashmir. The meeting then focused on ways to “sex-up” the ongoing campaign.
“We realized that we should not be driven by a meeting in New Delhi, in fact, we should be driving such meetings.” said Geelani, further adding, “Now we need to make such meetings take place in places like Washington, London, and The Hague.”
Geelani informed that there were suggestions to include pictures of Lady Gaga in the latest protest calendar to attract US attention, but they were put “on hold”.
“She shows too much of skin and recently she wore a dress made of beef. While the later part was okay, in fact brilliant, we didn’t want any Mufti declaring our calendar un-Islamic due to the former part.” he said.
Hurriyat leaders later decided to include pictures of Pakistani models in the calendar, which they thought were “good enough” to attract international attention and were not “completely” un-Islamic in nature. As a result, now there is one model each for every stone-pelting day in the new calendar and it’s already selling like hot cakes in the valley along with free stones.
“We would assess the impact after eleven days and if we still fail to make headlines in the US and the international media, we would be forced to include pictures of Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber in the next calendar.” Geelani warned of dire consequences.
Unconfirmed sources also suggest that Hurriyat is planning to use Google Maps for the next round of stone-pelting on the armed forces.
Meanwhile New Delhi has “successfully” claimed that the latest step by Hurriyat proved that the ongoing unrest in the valley had a Pakistani connection and hence nothing needed to be done at the domestic level.