Monday, 6th April, 2020


Inspired by Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Gandhi writes his own farewell speech

18, Nov 2013 By indianpsycho

While sources have confirmed to other media organizations that Rahul Gandhi was so moved being at Wankhede stadium that he pushed for Bharat Ratna to Sachin Tendulkar, sources exclusive to Faking News have further revealed that Rahul Gandhi was so moved that even he wrote his own farewell speech a la Tendulkar’s speech.

The speech was later torn up and thrown out by Sonia Gandhi because she didn’t want Rahul to retire, but Faking News could find the pieces and put it together to get the original draft:

Rahul Gandhi
An emotional Rahul Gandhi

All my trolls, settle down, let me talk or I’ll get more and more comical. The gates are locked, so no point leaving.

It is hard to believe that my life between 10 Janpath and dalit’s households in the last 10 years is coming to an end. I would like to thank all the sycophants, err people, who have helped me in my life to get here. I have a list in my hand; please forgive me if I miss out on a few surnames for lack of time.

(This was followed by Tewari Ji, Sibbal ji, Falana ji, Dhimkana ji and all that jazz.)

First, I want to thank the most important person in my life, my father, who left us in 1991. Also my grandmother, who left us in 1984. Without their vision, I wouldn’t be standing in front of you. I still repeat the words they had for you – there should be no poverty, and the poor should dream.

My mother, I don’t how she dealt with such a gifted child like me. If I’m gifted, it is all because of her. She started praying for me even before I spoke my first words and took my first step. She still prays when I take steps into a rally ground and speak.

Priyanka (sister), I don’t what do I say about her. Even last night, Priyanka called me and we were discussing my speech. She said I could have added few more daadi-mummy, but no jijaji, stories in it.

The most beautiful thing happened to me when I met Diggi Chacha in 2001. I know that being the Chief Minister of Madhya Pradesh, there was a big career in front of him. But he decided that I should take care of aam aadmi while he will take care of the opposition, RSS, and Modi.

Thanks for all the nonsense you have said Diggi Chacha. That’s the only nonsense I don’t wish to tear and throw out. Thank you for all that you have done and it is the best partnership I have had in my life.

There have been a lot of friends who have supported me. I thought my career was over when I became insomniac, but my friends called even at 3 AM and made me believe that I could still dream.

My career began at a tender youthful teenage of 34. My mother took me to Mani Shankar Aiyer sir and that is the best thing to have happened to me. Sir would be taking me in his Mercedes all over Amethi to ensure I eat at every Dalit household in the town. On a lighter note, he has never said “well ate” to me so that I don’t get complacent.

I have campaigned with many senior politicians; thanks to everyone for changing their stance every time I changed mine. I believe that you guys will serve this country under the leadership of anyone, and not just a Gandhi.

Thanks to all the doctors, especially Dr. Manmohan Singh; without your nonchalance, I couldn’t have thrashed our own government time and again. And those innumerous watchmen on TV, especially that Jha, who would take all brickbats from likes of Arnab.

But not all media men are bad. Many have backed me despite my failures, like Rajiv Shukla ji. A heartfelt thanks you to all of you, especially all those photographers who captured my cute, dimpled pics.

In the end, I thank all the people who trolled me a lot irrespective of whether I lost elections for my party or didn’t win it. Chants of ‘Pappu, Pappu’ will continue to reverberate in my ears till I breathe my last. Thank you very much. I am sorry if I have missed out on anything. Good bye.