Tuesday, 18th February, 2020


Manmohan Singh confuses Sonia Gandhi’s “remote control” with “magic wand”

25, Aug 2011 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who had revealed on Independence Day that there was no “magic wand” against corruption, was momentarily excited earlier today when he mistook Sonia Gandhi’s “remote control” for being some kind of a magic wand.

Dr. Singh was exposed to the remote control during a meeting with Rahul Gandhi that took place to discuss the issues arising out of Anna Hazare’s indefinite fast.

“What is that?” Prime Minister is reported to have asked Rahul Gandhi, who was holding a strange looking gadget in his hand. Rahul was given the gadget – the remote control – by his mother when she had to leave India for medical treatment a few weeks back.

“Oh, this thing? I don’t know what is it called, but mom says she can get whatever she wants using this,” Rahul replied to a bewildered Manmohan Singh and other cabinet ministers who had come to his residence for the secret meeting after skipping breakfast early this morning.

“You mean some kind of magic wand!?” Dr. Singh asked with a clear but rare excitement in his tone.

“I don’t know,” Rahul said, “Although even I wanted to know more and use this thing myself, Mom says that I may not need it at all after a couple of years!”

Magic Wand or Remote Control
The remote-control that was mistaken for being a magic-wand by the Prime Minister

“But I think you are right; it might be a magic wand,” the young Gandhi added as an afterthought.

“Could this be the magic wand that Pranab da wanted to control inflation with, or is this the magic wand Pawar was looking for to stop farmers’ suicides and rise in onion prices?” Manmohan Singh thought, “Or maybe it’s the magic wand needed to fight terrorists that Chidambaram needs. Or please god, let it be the magic wand with which I could control corruption!”

Excited over the wide-ranging prospects this magic wand could attain, Prime Minister is reported to have implored the Congress General Secretary to let him use the magic wand for once and clear the mess that has been created in the country over the last couple of years.

After some initial hesitation, Rahul Gandhi agreed to allow use of the supposed “magic wand”, but nobody present in the meeting knew how to operate it. Since it was night time in the USA, where Sonia Gandhi was recuperating and possibly sleeping at that time, calling up the UPA chairperson for help was ruled out.

Sources inform that Sharad Pawar was the first one who offered to operate the wand, but he kept on waving it like a cricket bat and exclaiming “no more suicides”. It was not clear whether he was making a wish for the farmers or the Indian cricketers in England. Frustrated by his acts, Manmohan Singh ordered him to hand over the wand to Pranab Mukherjee.

The Union Finance Minister is believed to have taken a long drawn look at the wand, perhaps hoping that the wand would operate itself. P Chidambaram too joined him and they took turns to take a look at the supposed wand but neither of them did anything.

Finally, Prime Minister took the wand in his own hands, and he could see a big red button that said “push and order”. He wondered what why were his cabinet colleagues clueless about this.

“Fill the stomach of the old man and let his hunger and frail health vanish till the next general elections,” Manmohan Singh wished for Anna Hazare as he pressed the button.

To his surprise, Manmohan Singh found a sensation in his stomach and in his limbs soon after. Even though he had skipped breakfast, Dr. Singh no longer felt the urge to have food and he almost felt like running around in excitement. He realized that the changes he had wished for Hazare, had been implemented on himself. He realized it was the famed “remote control” and not any “magic wand”.

“There is no magic wand to fight corruption, please help us deal with the situation,” Prime Minister is later said to have requested Anna Hazare in another letter after the meeting.