Bhopal. MP government announced a ban on whistles, effective immediately, read a press release from the government. The ban has been heavily advertised by the government in all the mainstream media including the daily newspapers. This morning’s headline in the state, almost everywhere, reads ‘MP bans whistles!’ A Faking News reporter mustered enough courage to directly talk to a government official on the ban.
FN: Good morning. As a new rule from press, we would like to frisk you for any untoward substance that you might inadvertently carry. Do we have your permission on that?
GO: Oh! No. Go right ahead. We are a transparent government. Got nothing to hide! On the other hand, we have to search you and your team if you are carrying any whistles. Search em boys! The GO gestured towards the team and after mutual frisking, the dialogue continued.
FN: A government banning whistles! Seems very unusual and eccentric even for a state like MP. GO: What’s unusual about it? The sounds from those whistles are annoying, you know. We have done extensive lab testing on both the whistles and the decibel level tolerance of a common man. Also on a politician, to test on a different breed and the results were shocking. Most of them could not stand the whistle sound and some of them reported to have immediate brain damage that stimulates violent behavior to attack the apparatus that makes the sound and anyone who is holding it.
FN: Wow! GO: Precisely the same expression we all had too! That’s when we decided to announce the ban on whistles, effective immediately. Whistle blowing in MP is not a child’s play anymore. It is henceforth statutorily deemed as a deadly sport. The government bans the activity and anybody found blowing a whistle will be arrested, if it is not too late; i.e. if the law of the land can beat the act of god.
FN: What you plan to do with all the whistles that are already in the shops in the state? GO: Like that 2 minutes noodles, the whistles will be recalled and destroyed. The government has hired a cement company to destroy the whistles for a paltry sum of Rs. 250 crores. Our strong and concrete relationship will certainly demolish those whistles into pieces.
At the end of the interview, the GO hummed a Hindi song in a visibly happy mood, and Faking News reporter just walked away, careful enough not to whistle along – clearly aware that not just whistling, even saying a word in MP can prove to be fatal.