NCP offers outside support to Anti Corruption Bureau

01, Nov 2014 By thefunnybone

Mumbai. In the wake of its attempt of shoving outside support down BJP’s throat in Maharashtra not amounting to much, the NCP, in a move that has no precedents or logic, has offered unconditional outside support to the state Anti Corruption Bureau (ACB).

The party claims that the ACB is facing several problems like shortage of staff and missing files and hence could do with a little help from their party that has had a long association with ACB. The party claims that it will also be a distraction for some of their senior party members who are resorting to cheap thrills like peeing in dams to pass their time.

Sharad Pawar and Co and deliberating on whom to offer outside support next.
Sharad Pawar and Co and deliberating on whom to offer outside support next.

A senior party leader explained, “People are ridiculing us and calling us things like OSP (Outside Support Party) but this is a testing time for us and we want to use it constructively. While on one hand the ACB is suffering from severe manpower crisis, majority of our leaders are jobless and are going around offering outside support to everything from local cricket clubs to dilapidated houses. This will be a win-win for both of us.”

Another leader known to suffer from a severe case of foot in the mouth syndrome said, “We hear the condition of ACB is so bad, that they have also started employing woman officers.” The leader then paused, looked mortified and took leave of the reporter after whispering, “I think I have crossed some line here again. I better go.”

Calling their relation with ACB ‘ghar ki baat‘, another senior party leader said, “Our relations with the ACB go back a long way. So many times, when our leaders are not found at their residence we directly go to the local ACB office to see if they are there. ACB keeps inviting our party men and now the officers and leaders are on first name basis and some are even facebook friends.”

“While a lot of the credit for this strong bond goes to the party leadership, the next generation has taken the relation to a different level. They say that not a day goes by without talks of dada at the ACB. In fact, we hear his photograph also adorns several dartboards put up at the agency for refreshing the employees and releasing frustration during breaks,” the leader confessed.

When questioned how they would help the ACB in the absence of any legal training, the leader said, “Arey we do not need any training. Our lives have gone playing with chargesheets and picking holes in it.” He added, “In fact, I have so many bounded chargesheets at home, that now I have developed a taste for them and have a few favorites as well. You must read DySP Ravish Kumar’s chargesheets for the use of metaphors. He once called our party ‘the Bermuda triangle of development scheme funds’.”

A source who attended the meeting where the decision was taken however confessed to this reporter, “See all our outside supports to governments is to ensure ACB is kept away. Rather than humiliating ourselves with political parties, we’d rather approach the ACB directly and cut a deal.”