Chennai. It would had been a disastrous Christmas for people this year, if not for the intelligence of our policemen. When Ramadurai, Sub Inspector of police, heard a tip-off that there had been suspicious movements around his locality, he went for a patrol and he himself noticed silhouettes of men pacing themselves from one chimney to other via rooftops. After calling for backup, he along with his team rounded up around 25 members and arrested them.
Initial investigation revealed that 25 members belonged to Hindu Ek-aur-Parivartan Sangh (HEPS) and they had been planning to catch Santa Claus on his way.
Speaking to Faking News, a police official said, “Those 25 accused belong to a Hindu fringe group. They were using sophisticated technologies like jute bags and kerchief with chloroform to nab Santa. As a foolproof technique, they had even broken into homes and hanged their socks so that Santa will faint when he comes near it. They were also using primitive tools like NORAD Santa tracker to track Santa. Approximately, around 11.30 PM on 24th Dec, they had planned to nab Santa who was scheduled to arrive on rooftops and drop via chimney that time. If not for our brilliant police, we would have lost Santa to Hinduism. They had planned to name him as Santhana Krishnan after re-conversion.”
When asked about the motives, he said, “They had planned to attack the root of other religions. They revealed that by making Santa Claus a Hindu icon and forcing him to drop gifts to kids during Diwali and Navrathri, they will help in assimilation of Christians to Hindu culture and thereby erasing Christianity from the world. We have filed cases against them under ‘unauthorized entry’ and ‘kidnap’ sections.”
After hearing the news of arrests, Shikhar Hindus Association leader Swami Subramani, said, “The police and government are lying. This is a conspiracy by the Vatican and Mecca to defame and destroy Hinduism. Santa Claus was originally born in Himalayas as Santhana Krishnan and had left for Arctic to understand the cosmic powers. But there, he was lured to Christianity and he was changed to Santa Claus. The reason why he is unable to respond to letters is because he doesn’t know any language other than Sanskrit. Also, the sound he makes ‘Ho Ho Ho’ is actually ritual mantra and has Sanskrit base. He rides 8 reindeers and 8 is sacred number in ancient India. He used to wear saffron robes, but due to cold weather, it had turned red. By trying to re-convert Santa, we are doing a ghar-wapasi of him. He belong to us only.”
Sarika Gosh, a Twitter celebrity, tweeted as, “Shuddering at the thought that Sanathana Dharma is creating situation for Santa-na Karma #SaveSanta”
Meanwhile, our Bangalore sources confirmed that Santa was late to Chennai, as he was stuck in Bengaluru traffic and that is also one of the reason for his escape.