Congress has hired Japanese Advertising and Public Relations firm Dentsu to boost image of Rahul Gandhi ahead of the general elections this year. Faking News has found out some steps that the ad agency is planning to take to produce this miracle:
1. The PR firm is trying to get second season of “Satyameva Jayate” on with Rahul Gandhi in place of Aamir Khan. Rahul Gandhi is being trained to feel sad and cry; Aamir Khan and Sonia Gandhi are reported to be the chief trainers. Agency feels that this will showcase the “soft” aspect of Rahul’s personality and could impress the viewers, because the “hard” aspects of the personality – like tearing away ordinance and shouting angrily in rallies – have failed to impress the common man. Earlier, the concept of a new TV shows titled “Ganna with Gandhi” on lines of “Koffee with Karan” was rejected by the agency.
2. After Rahul’s “ISI recruiting riot victims” statement appeared like being not too far from the reality, Denstsu has decided to prove his other seemingly absurd statements true. For example:
(i) India is a beehive: For this, the agency has decided to plant beehives in every nook and corner of country with the help of Ahmed Patel who is quite experienced when it comes to ‘planting’ stuff. Bees are being imported from across the world to make sure the numbers don’t fall short.
(ii) Poverty is a state of mind: Here Robert Vadra’s example is being quoted to prove the statement indeed had some weight. The fact that Robert Vadra, despite being a small farmer, manages to remain so happy and wealthy looking, is being highlighted.
3. Aam Aadmi support: Modi is not the only threat Dentsu has assessed. Arvind Kejriwal, though now a bit soft on Congress after forming government in Delhi, has also been identified as a threat. Apart from highlighting the 11 things that Rahul Gandhi did before AAP repeated them, the agency has asked Rahul Gandhi to continue what he has been doing i.e. opposing the policies of UPA government in personal capacity.
4. De-Digvijayfication: Sources tell Faking News that Denstu has specifically asked Congress high command to stop Digvijay Singh from praising Rahul Gandhi. They have instead asked Digvijay Singh to start praising Narendra Modi. Sources claim that recent statements of Digvijay Singh praising Arvind Kejriwal is beta version of the same strategy.
5. Follow Modi’s Gujarat promotional model: Like Modi, who mentions Gujarat’s progress in his rallies, Rahul has been asked to quote examples of his achievements in Amethi. For this, extensive R&D is being done to come up with at least 1-2 such instances. Rahul’s idea of Amethi being above the national average when it comes to dreaming has been rejected.
6. Alok Nath’s endorsement and aashirwaad: Talks are also on to make Alok Nath endorse the Gandhi scion and bless him. They are also requesting him to proclaim Rahul as the most sanskaari boy, to whom Babuji would love to marry off his daughters.
7. Social media: the agency has decided to make Rahul Gandhi follow every damn guy and girl on Twitter and reply with “Epic!” to any of their tweets. This will make Rahul Gandhi a valuable asset (a follower who is always praising you) for the youth and they will feel obliged to do the same to Rahul. Similarly, Rahul will add everyone on Facebook and “like” their status updates even if it is as banal as “brushed my teeth with shampoo today. lol!”