Wednesday, 19th February, 2020


Secret Bihar Election Diary: an election-specialist Tantrik feels left out

27, Oct 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

Dear diary,

I’m just back from another exorcism. I am so tired. Normal exorcism and shamshaan routine I can handle, but these additional extra election routines, they are kinda added workload. Political ghosts are more stubborn than the regular ghosts!

Many politicians have come to me for election jeeto puja-karm, virodhi-candidate kirya-karm and all that stuff. I don’t enjoy them, but that is where the real bucks are. Rumor has it that some tantriks are making as high as 21 lakhs per tantra-kriya for political parties! I feel left out.

Also, just heard that Nitish Kumar ji met some in-house tantric baba. Why didn’t he meet me instead? I am the best tantrik in Chhapra with a recognized brand name. Even foreigners come to me to learn tantric-sex. But desi people don’t understand me! Someone rightly said ghar ki murgi daal barabar.

He is ready to predict who will win Bihar elections

But how wrong is that now? Daal is definitely not equal to murgi, much more expensive. Daal is the food of the elites now. I bet no one saw “that” coming, not even us tantriks.

Coming back to politicians, frankly I don’t know why they are coming to us. Don’t people realize that we are not magicians? We can’t actually help them win. Well I hope they don’t realize that anytime soon, because that is where my pay-checks are coming from, but seriously, don’t they?

Let me tell you diary, I agree with Lalu ji when he says he’s the biggest tantrik. He uses words such as shaitaan, bramhpisaach, narpisaach and pretatma for Modi. He is good with words, and he may win with those. I am a fan of him. Let me tell you a secret, when I don’t get bones and skull to do my puja, I use Lalu ji’s photo instead, and it works.

I kind of like Nitish babu too. I know he has not done much but his smiling face is akin to a positive market sentiment. With him and Lalu in power, I think development will come to me. I will be able to order authentic skulls, bones, red and orange powders for my daily pisaach puja, right from the comfort of my home. No need for me to go get this stuff from jungle. Because Nitsh-Lalu will bring jugle raaj and development together.

All of these will be available online with free home delivery. I also pan to buy 10 thousand bucks worth BOSE speaker-set for a more realistic surround sound mantra-jap effect during my worship.

Although I’m looking forward to achchhe din, I am afraid competition is pretty high. RJD, JDU, BJP, Cong each of them are rumored to have their own in-house tantra mantra team. Even some independent candidates maintain veteran jungle-returned tantriks on their payroll. Plus, they all have ordered nazar suraksha kawach and yantras etc from telebrands.

If this goes on, I will have to start something entrepreneurial of my own one day. Or maybe I will join Skill India of Modiji. I am keeping all my options open you see.

Lots of plans in store dear diary, but not today, not right now, the chillum is taking affect. Let me leave for the 7th heaven for now.