Friday, 22nd March, 2019

Snippets

Secret Bihar Election Diary: Lalu writes on Coalition and Cricket

10, Oct 2015 By Sandeep Kadian

Dear Diary,

The nightmare just won’t end. My beef remark continues to haunt me as Narendra Modi today took several digs at me in his rally. Remember I told you last time that Shaitaan sat on my tongue and made me comment on beef. I swear Shaitaan sat on my tongue, Shaitaan or Dhatura, I am not very sure.

Now Modi is making this a big political agenda and raising it in his rallies. Murder happened in UP, CM is from Samajwadi Party, local MP is from BJP, PM is from BJP and I am facing the most heat!

Lesson learnt diary – sometimes it is better to hold one’s tongue. I have bought huge stocks of chewing gums to keep my tongue in check for the next 1 month.

Lalu Yadav's election diary
Lalu writing down his feelings (cartoon by @NeelabhToons)

But you can understand these slips of tongue. The pressure on me has increased several folds now. As it is I was feeling like Tendulkar from the 90s in this coalition team. Everything I have to do here. I have to raise controversial issues, I have to gather crowds for the rallies, I have to give the longest speeches, I have to bring caste, religion into everything while Nitish Kumar becomes progressive by raising only development.

And after all this, I won’t even be getting the CM chair if we win! That will be for Nitish Kumar. It’s like Azhar being the captain while Sachin delivered every win.

Nitish is totally like Azharuddin; was very good for a decade of his playing career but now he is a liability for most part. His decision to seek Kejriwal’s support in Bihar made as much sense as Azhar asking Manoj Prabhakar to bowl spin against Sri Lanka.

And then I have Rahul Gandhi. Don’t laugh diary. He is like Venkatesh Prasad, even when he bowls his fast bouncer, opponents get so much time to hit him for a six with ease.

And Mulayam, Mulayam ji has turned out to be my Vinod Kambli, old friend but now he just dislikes me. Why did he create that 3rd front to cut our votes?

On top of that, there are match fixers in my own team who are getting caught taking payment of 4 Lakhs. 4 lakhs, could have taken some loose change from me but no, Nitish’s ministers have to go hit wicket when you need partnerships.

Only help I got from was RSS. Mohan Bhagwat looked like Rahul Dravid to me – dependable but never in spotlight. His remark on reservation is getting ignored by everyone except me, while my beef remark is being shared widely.

Just hope I don’t get bowled out in this game of political cricket.

I am telling you diary, this election is tougher than the time I spent in prison. Sometimes I feel like running back to that prison, at least they still treat you like a VIP inside a prison. Outside prison, Haramzaada media doesn’t leave me alone for a second. If only I could bring in emergency and censor them!

Oh, shouldn’t entertain thoughts of Emergency around JP Sir’s birth anniversary. Better go to sleep now to avoid these thoughts.

Goodnight diary.