Small farmer Robert Vadra put under suicide watch

27, Aug 2013 By indianpsycho

Robert Vadra
The small farmer working hard at his farm house, err… farm land.

New Delhi.  Nobody-turned-son-in-law-turned-businessman Robert Vadra has been kept under suicide watch by Delhi Police after it was revealed that he was actually a “small farmer”.

The police acted upon advice from various farmer rights activists who feared for the life and well-being of Robert Vadra.

“With rising number of suicides among small farmers, we can’t take any chances,” the Delhi Police commissioner Bhim Sain Bassi justified the stand taken by his department.

Starting today, Robert Vadra’s already Z Security has been enhanced. However, he has been dropped from the list of people exempted from being frisked and checked at airports.

“In fact, now he’d be frisked and checked everywhere and every time to make sure he’s not carrying any poisonous substance,” the police chief informed, “Cameras have already been installed in his home, office, private jets, gymnasium, etc. One suspicious move from him and we would not hesitate to take him under arrest.”

“We have also taken Ajit Pawar into pee-pre-emptive custody lest he makes any insensitive remark that hurts the sentiment of Vadra ji and forces him to do something terrible to himself,” added the commissioner.

The move to keep Robert Vadra under suicide watch has been welcomed by the Haryana Government and DLF.

“Farmers of India have to suffer a lot to repay interest on the agriculture loan they take. That’s precisely the reason why Vadra ji was given interest free loans,” a spokesperson from DLF told Faking News.

“I request Vadra ji not to buy farm land in Vidarbha. We will indeed give him more land in Haryana,” Haryana Chief Minister Hooda said welcoming the move.

Congress too has welcomed the move. Sources say that Party Vice President Rahul Gandhi has been unable to control his excitement ever since he heard that his own brother-in-law was nothing but a small farmer.

“After exhausting all houses in the country, Rahul Gandhi was getting impatient and had instructed his aides to inform him about emergence of any new farmer on the block. But little did he know that he has one in family itself,” a party leader said.

“This is classic case of bagal mein vadra chhora aur sheher mein dhindora,” the leader added.