Chennai. Parties of the third front came together today and unanimously announced the name of BCCI President N. Srinivasan as their choice of prime ministerial candidate. Earlier, they had failed to elect a candidate amongst themselves.
Speaking to reporters, Samajwadi Party spokesman, Mr. Ram Gopal Yadav, revealed that Srinivasan’s name had been under consideration for a while. “Earlier, we were skeptical about his ability to fit in,” he said, “But now that the probe report has been published, we are firmly convinced that he is one of us.”
Elaborating further, he said that Mr. Srinivasan’s ability to remain in power against all odds played a key role in the decision. “You see, the earlier governments we formed were not stable. But with Srini-ji leading us, the nation can be assured of an unprecedented era of stability.”
Experts acknowledge that they might have a point. N. Srinivasan has, in the past, has demonstrated his ability to garner support from diverse political figures such as Arun Jaitley and Rajeev Shukla.
Naveen Patnaik gushed that Srinivasan was the only person with a proven track record of leading India to superpowerdom. “Forget tall claims of 24×7 electricity and low end jobs in Surat,” he said, “Under Mr. Srinivasan’s leadership, we will make India the dominant power in the world.”
“Also, he is the only person to have beaten Modi and sent him into exile,” said Nitish Kumar, flashing a v-sign.
Mr. Srinivasan could not be reached for comment. Sources close to him revealed that he was busy working on a position paper with the BCCI, USA, and China on a New World Order.
Reactions from the other parties came in hard and fast.
Addressing a rally in Chennai, Narendra Modi pointed out that India had never lost a match overseas under his own presidentship of the BCCI. He also claimed that while Srinivasan was ensconced in his cushy India Cements CEO office, he was serving chai to cricketers and energizing them.
Subramaniam Swamy said that article 589.32A of the IPC prohibits people from holding more than 7 posts at the same time, and promised to file a PIL that will end any chances of Srini being the Prime Minister.
The Aam Aadmi Party added Srinivasan to their most corrupt list. They have also updated their manifesto promising to bring down stadium ticket costs by 50%.
“We will pass a bill making it mandatory for all organizations to declare a holiday whenever there is a cricket match going on,” promised Manish Sisodia, revealing perhaps the most populist of their policies yet, “Aakhir cricket matches hote kiske liye hain. Aam aadmi ke liye hi na?”
Digvijay Singh accused Srinivasan of being an RSS agent and called for a CBI inquiry into the alleged RSS hand in the IPL match fixing saga.
Mani Shankar Iyer was more vocal. “What a lowlife of a son-in-law they have,” he said, “Indulges in petty betting. These are the kind of people who want to lead the country? At least he should have done some lucrative land deals!”
When asked for his reaction, Rahul Gandhi said, “RTI.”