True Election Manifestoes of various political parties for 2014 elections

16, Mar 2014 By Ashutosh Sinha

BJP: The party has decided that all of its election material, including the manifesto, will be published with a hologram with “272” embossed on it. All pages are supposed to have a picture of Narendra Modi and a map of Gujarat. Last few pages have been left blank, to accommodate any new parties or leaders who may join before or after elections. Sushma Swaraj has objected to a couple of pages in the manifesto, but those pages have not been removed.

Congress: It has the biggest manifesto. Copies of RTI and Lokpal bills have been attached. However, the booklet containing its manifesto will be blank – just like the incumbent Prime Minister. The grand old party also plans to attach a Ludo game for the youth and a make-up kit that is aimed at attracting women voters. To make sure the electorate take note of the manifesto, jobs under the MNREGA could be promised for those who read the bills that will be attached.

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AAP: The latest party has listed millions of its achievements in the manifesto. All these achievements were accomplished by its 49-days government in Delhi. A topi will also be attached to the manifesto, which will help a reader totally believe everything that is written. A dart game will be given free where people would be expected to throw darts at a board with picture of Narendra Modi.

Samajwadi Party: The front pages of the manifesto have faces of Mulayam Singh Yadav, Akhilesh Yadav and other leaders (from within the family, strictly). It has hit upon a brilliant idea to project itself as a party that looks ahead. Its manifesto will be made of green recycled paper, which also happens to be wordplay on their election symbol, the cycle.

BSP: Similar to Samajwadi Party, party’s manifesto will consist of pictures only – pictures of dalit icons, poor people, parks, statues, cash, etc. – all on blue background. The last few pages have images of the collection of Mayawati’s handbags.

DMK: It has only two points on the agenda for its manifesto – no one from the DMK had anything wrong to do in the 2G scam. Accusing the Congress of dividing and ruling the country, it wants that DMK should be allowed to multiply and rule.

AIADMK: Jayalalithaa has promised that she will lead the people to a domination of the world and it has been written in the manifesto in a script that only the revolutionary leader of AIADMK can read. To make sure the electorate reads the promises, 14 inch television sets will be distributed along with the copies of the election manifesto.

Sources have further told Faking News that leaders of regional parties like PMK, JMM, Naga People Front, Peace Party of India, Telugu Desam, Zoram National Party and others are likely to meet in Delhi shortly. They may announce that they will have the same manifesto and only the names on the cover of the booklet will be changed.