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Corporates to figure out big sounding job names to avoid giving salary hikes

24, Oct 2013 By Vaibhav Anand

Mumbai: An industry conclave titled “Managing employee expectations in recessionary periods” organized by the CII has been declared a success after participants could come up with a solution to keep employees happy without giving them salary hikes.

The conclave was attended by a lot of industry captains, who lazed around, drank coffee, and ate expensive five star hotel food to do some “networking”. Post the networking session came the “working” session.

The key to happiness and satisfaction

After 15 minutes of hard work, corporate honchos came up a solution. They decided to come up with big sounding but ultimately meaningless names for organizational ranks.

Most corporates decided that Assistant Managers in the organization would now be known as “Future Leaders of Tomorrow, Junior”. The next rung, the rank of Manager, would be called “Junior Deputy Assistant Vice President”, and more such names. This is aimed at hoodwinking employees into paltry salary hikes by renaming their post so that it sounded better.

As for the more senior posts, several royal sounding names were thrown about, but no consensus could be reached. The group was undecided whether to call the posts of middle management as “Big King of Small Fiefdom” or “Zamindaar Sahib”. For the more senior rung, the senior management, post names such as “Emperor”, “Shehenshah-e-Alam” and “Bada Babu” were zeroed in but not agreed upon.

A corporate honcho privately confided to Faking News that if the conclave had not been held in the first place, his company would have saved enough money to give people salary hikes, but stressed that such sessions were required for the growth of the Indian economy and development of a more professional culture in the Indian workplace.