Monday, 6th April, 2020


Ranbir Kapoor announces new monetary policy

13, Sep 2013 By Pagal Patrakar

Mumbai. In order to push up the growth rate and minimize the sexual fiscal deficit in the country, the new RBI governor Ranbir Kapoor announced a fresh monetary policy this afternoon.

Earlier this morning, Ranbir Kapoor was appointed the RBI governor by India’s Finance Minister Shobhaa Dey.

Ranbir Kapoor
Such sexy and groovy moves can help India become an economic superpower

Ranbir was chosen by Ms. Dey because he had successfully led Bollywood out of the dreaded financial slowdown of 2008.

The slowdown was triggered by the financial disaster known as Saawariya that crashed the markets in late 2007.

As part of the announced monetary policy, Ranbir increased the sex appeal of the stock markets by 250 basis points – a step that immediately caused Sensex to jump to 69000 and the Rupee to recover to 25 per US dollar.

“The hottie will put the markets on fire!” Finance Minister Shobhaa Dey screamed and swooned during the press conference as the new RBI governor went on to announce further steps.

Other steps included some shit like change in repo rates and reverse repo rates, some crap like SLR and CRR, and finally some blah blah about CAD.

“Leave aside those boring details, the best thing was when he winked,” Finance Minister Shobhaa Dey told Faking News, “It was like closing one eye over imports and opening the other one on exports. What a lovely sight, I mean, strategy!”

The RBI governor, as the last desperate attempt to save the economy, dropped the towel and press conference was declared closed by the Finance Minister.

(read the detailed report of the press conference here)