California, USA. Twitter Inc. has decided to go into democratic mode and has announced the list of people who will run Twitter as a government. As a big head-start to India, Arvind Kejriwal was made the first Prime Minister of Twitter.
The decision to declare itself a virtual country was to defend Twitter from Facebook hegemony. While the decision to establish a “Twitter Republic” was taken within minutes, it took at least two weeks to decide the first Prime Minister of Twitter.
It was a blog post by a Twitter employee that sealed the deal.
“This #MufflerMan is by far the longest staying top trends on Twitter. If it stays for one more day, we are putting this as a Guinness World Record for a top trend. Though Asaram followers make it to the top then and there, they can never make it stay beyond a day. Even Bieber’s trends do not survive beyond five days. But, hats off #MufflerMan, whoever you are, you are a superhero,” was the blog that caught internal attention.
Convinced by the massive support for Mufflerman aka Arvind Kejriwal, governing board of Twitter decided to appoint him as the head of Twitter Republic.
Sensing the momentum, Kejriwal immediately floated a virtual party called Republic Aam Indian’s Twitter Autonomy (RAITA) and within seven hours, its website displayed that seven billion members had registered to that party. The party even announced its list of ministers and their portfolios:
Arvind Kejriwal – Prime Minister & President – has special powers of blocking Twitter traffic to hold Twittest (Twitter Protest)/Twitrna(Twitter Dharna). Servers which usually undergo hiccup will undergo cough henceforth. Twitter will have muffler in its themes and also in its networking layers.
Ashutosh – Information & Broadcasting, Communication – Twutter. Diuretic Massages. Replay. Red weed. Mansion. Mogu.
Somnath Bharti – Cyber, Information Technology and Law – Spam tweets. Will replace Gautam Singhania.
Yogendra Yadav – Minority affairs – Responsible for Twitter to appear differently to end user based on his or her religion.
Kumar Vishwas – PoTweet minister – to regulate the poets on Twitter (almost all of them). Almost any tweet that ends with rhyming words will be reviewed by this ministry.
Rajdeep Sardesai – Defense & Encyclopedia minister – for more details, read his book.
The coronation ceremony will be held at Twitter India headquarters on 28th December, exactly a year after Kejriwal occupied the Delhi throne. There were celebrations planned across Twitter and the Tweet bird logo will be changed to display a broom in its place.
Speaking about this event, one senior leader of AAP said, “We welcome this move by Twitter. This is the real mandate given by the intellectual and young India. Thanks to our real supporters for helping us in achieving this task. Actually, Modi planned to form an online government last May, but Twitter itself chose our leader, thereby rejecting Modi. This proves that Twitter cannot be influenced by Ambanis and Adanis.”
He continued, “The Aaptters (AAP Twitter Army) will be patrolling various timelines of Modi Bhakts and will suggest Twitter India to suspend those accounts for short or long period. Any tweets found against His Highness Kejriwal or Aam Aadmi Party or RAITA will be punished within few minutes. Left wing will be fluttered while right wing will be clipped in Twitter. Also, we will hold a referendum, by trends, which when used by people will be considered a ‘Yes’. Our first agenda is to clean Twitter of bhakts and Internet Hindus.”