New Delhi. Ramesh Pokhriyal wasted no time in making 25 bold predictions, for the year 2015 and beyond, in his new role as daily astrologer for a leading news channel.
“Some of the predictions can be scientifically proven for dummies, as we all know science is way inferior to astrology,” the newly anointed top astrologer of the country revealed.
Faking News releases the list of top 25 predictions as narrated by the clairvoyant and stands amazed by the reach of astrology from Rajapaksa to Novak Djokovic.
1. Mudgal Committee report’s “Individual No. 2” and “Individual No. 3” will remain to be individuals and not names.
2. Rajapaksa will confer “Sri Lanka Ratna” on Subramanian Swamy.
3. Sahara Chief will launch a political party, finally learning that politics is the only option to be safe in the country.
4. Black Money holder lists 2, 3 and subsequent numbers will be released. But, people other than the regular customers to their shops will not know who they are.
5. Google India will develop a political alliance algorithm for Indian democracy market. Shiv Sena will be the first party to buy the algorithm.
6. Jayalalitha DA case will go on for appeal after appeal until my successor releases the next set of predictions for future.
7. Moral police will be included as a wing of Kerala state police. Other states will follow.
8. Multiplexes will announce 3 breaks for Indian movies and 2 forced intervals for English movies.
9. Gemini circus will replace their entire staff with Mumbai suburban train commuters.
10. Novak Djokovic will enter Guinness book of world record, for bouncing the ball 200 times prior to a serve.
11. In all the election manifestos of 2015 assembly elections in Tamilnadu, there will be a promise to ‘rescue Katchatheevu’.
12. India will continue to be known as a country of farmers. Farmers will continue to commit suicide.
13. Tamilnadu politicians will celebrate victory on solving the Mullaperiyar river water issue. Kerala will continue to deny water, citing safety reasons.
14. Tamilnadu politicians will celebrate victory on solving the Kaveri river water issue. Karnataka will continue to deny water, citing NO reasons.
15. Political parties will announce direct deposit scheme to voter’s bank accounts during assembly or parliamentary elections.
16. Indian government will announce that the English word ‘CORRUPTION’ is banned in India and hence India is corruption free.
17. ‘Why This Kolaveri Di’ will be announced as the song of the last decade.
18. India will continue to claim to be one among the fastest growing economies of the world, in 2020; India will continue to have the highest rate of absolute poverty in 2020.
19. Rajinikanth will declare ‘He is not afraid to come to politics; just that he is hesitant’; political parties, including BJP, will continue to give statements that Rajini sir is on the cards.
20. IPL will be changed to IEPL, Indian Entertainment Premier League and Sreesanth will bowl the first over in the inaugural edition of IEPL in the year 2016.
21. Arnab Goswami will retire as editor in chief of Times Now; 90% of the satire writers will drop jobs.
22. Year after year, an IIT will announce the biggest salary package for a student in campus placements; the student will not get that much money in entire career with the company that he/she joins.
23. Social networking will take a U turn as people would want more privacy online; Facebook founder will contact Indian prime minister to learn how to handle U turns.
24. India will ban all the Godmen in the country; Ashrams will be converted into movie theaters; the followers will be recruited by Indian Army.
25. Supreme Court will open a special branch to deal corporate and political DA & corruption cases. IPL will not be part of it as, by then, IPL will have been converted to IEPL and will not have to abide by any laws of the land.