Monday, 17th February, 2020


“Character” of techies set to be disclosed to prospective in-laws

22, Jul 2013 By Shaitaan Khopdi ™

Bangalore. Four Indian IT giants (Infosys, TCS, Wipro and HCL) have formed a joint venture to step into match-making business.

The IT majors having combined headcount of 15 Lakh+ employees agreed to share their employee’s personal data. This data will be helpful in streamlining the most vital stage of the arranged marriage process.

“Today whenever a techie’s marriage is fixed, the first thing girl’s parents do is to call their contacts in these major companies and extract as much info they can. Since we are being used as background check portal anyway, we decided to streamline this channel and get some revenue out of it. With 15 Lakh users (employees) registered already, we have a healthy head start,” HR head of Infosys told Faking News.

“These days you can’t get any reliable info on people’s Facebook profiles. Anybody can get nice recommendations on LinkedIn by quid pro quo. HR data on our servers is the only reliable source of information,” the TCS HR head explained why their services were unmatched and vital.

Wedding Card
Apart from what goes into your business card, companies will also be able to impact what goes into your wedding card.

When Faking News asked if this was violation of employee’s privacy, we were told “Snowden has revealed that US is keeping our personal information publicly available. Privacy is already gone to the dogs. Whatever privacy was remaining was converted into pictures by Facebook. So we don’t feel that we are doing anything new. You should understand; it is for your own good.”

Not only background check of prospective grooms, the companies claim that they can offer better services than existing online or offline match-makers.

“Based on annual appraisal comments (strengths and weaknesses) we can predict the real personality of an employee. Even the Janam-Kundli can’t match ’36 Gunas’ so precisely,” one of the HR managers claimed.

“One of the frequent questions asked about the prospective grooms are about his ‘character’ and whether he ‘drinks’ or ‘smokes’. So we can provide the photos from team dinners and parties which are never posted publicly. Those who claim to be a teetotaler on Facebook can be seen drinking like a fish in corporate parties,” the manager further explained how their matrimony service would be the best in business.

“Then there are people who get over friendly with girls after few drinks, our HR takes notice of such incidences. We will use these reports to provide character certificates.”

While information about personality, “character”, and brief professional history would be made available free, other pieces of information would be made available after paying a premium.

“Many people lie about their salary, H1B VISA, and Green card status; such information would be given to prospective in-laws after they pay up a minimum subscription fee,” the IT companies revealed the revenue model.

“We decided to adopt a holistic approach to find a cookie cutter solution that works in totality and adds value for our stakeholders. Thereby inculcating the culture of innovation through which we can achieve a complete paradigm shift,” explained Manish Tiwari, the visibly happy fresh MBA recruit in one of the companies.

The news has pushed up shares of these companies in stock markets, but many unmarried IT engineers are worried about their own worth being pushed down due to truth coming out.