Mumbai. An untoward incident occurred at Marine Drive last night when a “couple” was found sitting with shame, hands not intertwined, and with a conspicuous absence of public display of affection.
Shocked and scandalized by this act of heresy at the lover’s haven, other fellow couples had to unhook faces and observe this anomaly in the matrix, expecting Neo to tear the walls of reality any moment now.
One of the scandalized young men, Mohan Garg, aged 16, who was haggling while buying expensive red roses off the street corner for his girlfriend couldn’t help but notice that the “couple” were simply “sitting” while facing the sea and were using their lips only to exchange words and no more.
Shocked and terrified, Mohan claims that he forgot to collect the change from the shrewd phool-wali and plans to ask his friend studying law for help to file for damages against the “couple”.
To gather evidence of the crime, Mohan decided to go and sit beside the couple to make them feel shame and guilt. When he heard the couple addressing each other by their given names and not honey-pie, sweetu or his very own favorite, sucrose, Mohan could feel the sanctity of Marine Drive decrease by the blasphemy of the “couple”.
The unbelievably true news was confirmed by another affected bystander Naman Chaudhary, a daily jogger on marine drive, hailing from Greater Noida who after the said incident digressed that he had to go to Starbucks, followed by a night of clubbing and couple of instagrams of himself taking shots to feel like a man again.
When contacted by Faking News, he said, “Like usual, after charging my iPod, I made the customary check-in on Facebook, ‘Going for a jog on MD. No pain no gain,’ I went to Marine Drive by car at around 6:45 PM. As I started brisk walking on MD, instagramming a picture or two of the sunset, I noticed the ‘couple’. At first, I thought that it must be the jogger’s high (wouldn’t be surprised), but I couldn’t shake the preposterous idea of a couple not chaatoing ek dusre ko, so I jogged back to see the ‘couple’ not even holding hands. I mean, brah, how ridiculous was that?”
The salesman of the year who sells the special 20 rs waali midget chai was quite unhappy over the incident. Aarush Kevlani, who’s also known to sell 15 ka coffee peene se pehle, 20 ka peene ke baad admitted that such acts if allowed to continue would bring the ruin of Marine Drive.
“It is the golden rule to approach ‘busy’ couples in order to alert them and sell them goods in exchange for privacy, but if they refuse to do private activities in public area, how is the poor man supposed to survive,” he told Faking News.
The obscenity of the unidentified and unlikely human “couple” suffered severe criticism from Indian Association for Public Display of Affection (IAPDA).
Lovely Bhatia, national spokesperson, has condemned this incident (all the time while hitting on the Faking News male reporter) and said that display of affection, whether public or private, was an inherent and involuntary fundamental right of each and every citizen. If people can’t display, they have no right to love.
“If you have it, flaunt it!” he said.
Later in the day, Lovely Bhatia shared a picture on his Facebook wall, with the message, “Share this if you love your mother. I love my mother enough to do this, do you?” A citizen went on to comment, “I love your mom enough, shared it!” who was later arrested and hanged under new Orwellian Censorship Laws.
Even though in public opinion the streets of Marine Drive are being sullied by the delinquents and such, who failed to even once put their heads in their significant other’s lap in public, there is the uneducated and naïve minority who sees this as a welcome change.
“I have always been reluctant to bring my parents whenever they are in Mumbai on Marine Drive because of the couples doing naughty things. But if more couples come to Marine Drive to just talk to each other without touchy-touchy, it will be easier for me to bring them here,” said a hopeful Garvit Gupta who moved to Mumbai two years back and is still pending a reality check.