Thursday, 23rd January, 2020


Cupid recalls millions of defective lovers ahead of Valentine’s Day

13, Feb 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

Heaven. Cupid, the leading global manufacturer of lovers and beautiful people, has decided to recall millions of defective pieces that were offloaded on to Earth in the recent years. The decision was taken after a series of complaints were received from Earth dwellers, who expressed complete dissatisfaction with the performance of these lovers. Eros and Kaamdev too have given their consent to the decision, making it unanimous.

“We had been receiving a lot of complaints for some time now, but the number skyrocketed since the start of this week. We gave a finer look at the products, and unfortunately many of them were indeed malfunctioning. We have decided to recall these and have ordered an inquiry into the incident.” Cupid informed, though he maintained that the products were in pristine and pure form when they had left the warehouse.

With no Cupid around, a lot of people on Earth have been consulting Google
With no Cupid around, a lot of people on Earth have been consulting Google

The complaints regarding the products i.e. the lovers have been of various types – bad breath, bad kisser, lack of imagination, low on passion, unfaithful, lustful, rude, half-dude, etc. Although Cupid has refused to call these manufacturing defects, he agreed that there might have been some error.

“Something went wrong. We’re working on getting this fixed as soon as we can. You may be able to try again.” Cupid sounded almost like facebook when asked if these lovers could become normal again.

Cupid then hastily added that Earth too had changed a lot over the years and the environment down there might have ceased to be conducive to the desired functioning of his products.

“I had fitted them with the same word chip that I’ve been using for ages now, but yet all of them write the same love poem that starts with – roses are red, sky is blue – and end within 140 or 160 characters. If the same chip was working well earlier, you can’t call it a manufacturing defect, can you?” Cupid wondered.

Cupid declined to confirm if he was planning to put an authorized user-manual with the future batch of products, but he did express his reservations on various How To and Self Help books on Earth that claimed to contain guidelines for improved performance of his products.

Back on Earth, the news was greeted with happiness and hope by most of the people, although a few cynics believed that cupid will re-release the products without making any changes.

“The way things are, very soon people would start considering these defective pieces as normal. In fact, we’d start celebrating these defects. Don’t we all enjoy Rahul Mahajan’s Swayamvar and UTV’s Emotional Atyachar?” said Shreyas, as he went back to his Google search for a nice Valentine’s Day SMS.