Mumbai. A beleaguered individual, tired of religious outfits screaming about their sentiments are hurt at the drop of a hat, wrote to the headquarters of top religions in the country, asking them to publish an official list of items which would hurt their sentiments. Immediately, all the Hindu Senas, Radical Christians and Extremist Muslims have joined together in unison and outraged against the demand. They all claimed that their religious sentiments are deeply hurt, it is learnt by Faking News.
“It is more like an RTI query. After listening to the news recently that an FIR was filed against Priya Varrier for hurting the sentiments of Muslims by winking and also with other expressions on a song, I have decided to send this query. We would never know what ticks off a group of people. I have friends from all religions. On this particular Adaar Love song, I have watched it with a few friends and no one said anything. After the news of FIR, two of them suddenly find it objectionable now” Mr. Kumar told Faking News.
“My name is simple but unique. I have a friend in Kurian who is a Christian. Another one Omar, a Muslim. I am like the two of them put together to form a Hindu friend. I am always careful about the things I talk on colours, music, food, animals, food and animals put together, names, gods, birds, reptiles, clothing preferences and inter-religious romantic interests of past or current and fictional or real personalities. Yet people find me on the wrong side sometimes and claim that I have hurt their religious sentiments. It is not that I am obstructing their view while praying” he revealed his level of frustration to Faking News.
“Kumar has to withdraw his request immediately. He has deeply hurt our religious sentiments by asking us to list down our sentiments. Our list is huge and always changing. Normally, when something becomes so popular in the country, we study it closer and always find something in it which hurts our sentiments. Otherwise, how would an ordinary wink become viral? Or a mediocre movie become a blockbuster? Or a worthless book become a literary marvel? These people hurt the sentiments of one religion to appease the others and become popular. On this particular issue, all of us agree that we will not issue a list. The best we can do is to issue a joint list of 2 common and secular guidelines which can probably guide idiots like Kumar” the leaders of the religious houses collectively released a statement.
When Faking News asked Kumar if he had received the 2 guidelines at least, he showed a piece of paper which read, ‘You have a right to remain silent and immobile. Anything you say or do might hurt our religious sentiments’. The note was signed by the leaders using a pencil, the most secular writing instrument of all, it is learnt by Faking News.