Mumbai: An auto driver from Navi Mumbai’s suburban area recently had a cardiac surgery and changed his profession as a full-time bank robber. Learning of this rather peculiar news-bit, Faking News waved down at the auto driver in front of a medical shop in Vashi.
“I have been an auto driver all my life and I have been hale and healthy during all my mugging years. Only recently, the tension of right investment due to excess wealth and the trouble caused by police, the IT guys and the sales team of banks have become unbearable. My heart, otherwise very strong for day-time robbery, has succumbed to pressure and I had this cardiac arrest”, Mr. Automan told Faking News.
“Very bad time to retire, really! Rainy season is when we make most of the money. We save the bulk for non-rainy days. Look, I charge Rs.150 per seat from Vashi to Ghansoli on rainy days. That is Rs.600 per trip. 10 to 15 trips during the day put me in the bracket of 8K per day. How am I going achieve that kind of money robbing the banks now?” Automan expressed his concern to the reporter.
“Oh! I can handle it. It would be a child’s play. When we can handle all kinds of passengers, even as some of them threaten to call the police commissioner against an excessive fare, robbing a bank is quite easy. Mostly it is going to be night time and I can take the watchman for a ride”, Automan told Faking News oozing coolness and confidence.
“My concern though is: will Indian banks have any money now? The news from central government and all the mainstream media are not quite encouraging, what with #blackmoneylist trending only with foreign banks; If nothing else, I will hire a team of autos and enter the banks during closing hours and force everyone to take an auto ride back home. Now, that is the kind of robbery I am sure will fetch me the money that I am looking for” Automan explained his backup business plan to the Faking News reporter who was seen buying some tranquilizers in the medical shop to get him through this rainy season.