Mumbai: India’s leading Human Rights group FATTU (Flop Actors and Terrorist’s Union) today announced that they are going to launch an e-commerce portal through which candle light vigils can be booked for all the innocent, helpless and impoverished terrorists killed by the cruel Indian government and army during the last 50 years.
FATTU coordinator and fish exporter Salmon Clam spoke to Faking News about the novel idea. He said, “After Yakub’s hanging, we were feeling left out of the limelight a bit and then we thought about Kasab and all the other innocent Pakistani citizens who had come to Mumbai for a picnic and sightseeing but were treacherously killed by the very cruel NSG . So we decided to start this very cheap service so that poor innocent terrorists have their two minutes of fame and the candle making industry gets a boost.”
FATTU says that after this, it intends to hold candle light vigils across USA for the 9/11 bombers and their coach Osama Un Laden. FATTU maintains they were poor, innocent aviation pioneers who became a victim of the USA’s conspiracy.
FATTU’s receptionist Heehaw Droopia told Faking News, “We also have plans of taking advance booking for candle light vigils for those unfortunate, naive terrorists who are still alive but might be hunted down by cruel democratic countries like India and USA. Bookings can be done only through Hawala channel as that is one channel which both we and the terrorists use often and trust.”
Our sources say that the ISIS, Taliban and the D-company have already booked almost 200 candlelight vigils. Another innocent and hapless group, Boko Haram has also expressed interest.
Many Mumbai residents have come out in support of FATTU and residents have requested FATTU to hold the next vigil in their area. Andheri resident Roshni told Faking News, “We are having 8 hour long power cuts at night so we have requested FATTU to hold regular vigils here so that our kids can study and do their homework.”
India’s finance minister however sees this as a Pakistan-China nexus. He said, “China is the leading manufacturer of candles and Pakistan is the leading manufacturer of terrorists. Each time India kills a poor and innocent terrorist, China stands to gain from it.”