Monday, 30th March, 2020


Serial road-rager finally gets an answer to “Tu jaanta hai main kaun hu?”

26, Apr 2015 By Pagla Ghoda

New Delhi. Bobby Khanna a resident of Mangolpuri phase 2, and a social activist by profession got a shock of his life when a commuter he was fighting with on road answered his question “Tu jaanta hai main kaun hu?” in extreme details. Mr. Khanna who has been a part of 168 road-rage incidents in the previous financial year was amidst a routine fight with another commuter Banshee Dholakia, when this happened. The fight started after Dholakia’s brand new i20 elite tried to overtake Mr. Khanna’s 2nd hand Mercedes X class.

Mr. Khanna followed the i20 for around 13 kilometers before he finally caught up and forced the driver Mr. Dholakia out of his car after which the usual road-rage argument and finger pointing took place. Bholu bhikhari who was knocking car windows for alms at a near-by red-light was an eye-witness to the whole episode, and narrated the incident to our reporter as it happened.

Bobby Khanna during peak of his form.
Bobby Khanna during peak of his form.

“For first 15 minutes of the argument both Mr. Khanna and Mr. Dholakia followed the usual SOP (standard operating procedure) for a Monday morning road rage. This process included sharing mother-sister abuses, loud screams, hushed deep-throated threats and quick dialing of random numbers on their mobile keypads and pretending to call someone influential. This continued until Mr. Khanna asked the D-question to Mr. Dholakia “Pencho, tu jaanta hai main kaun hu?” (Mofo, do you have any frigging idea who the f I am?).

To which Mr. Dholakia replied in detail, “Haan jaanta hu. You are a so called activist working with a local NGO, but you are actually a real-estate trader working with big builder’s lobby. Your kids Guddu and Shruti study at Blue-Oranges Public school, Noida and your wife Sushila runs a ladies garments boutique “Laal Libaas” in Chandni Chowk. Your bank account has white money worth 3 lakhs 45 thousand and 22 rupees in total, but you also have 2.5 crores stashed in form of 1000 rupee notes under your bed’s mattress.”

“Your current name is Bobby Khanna but previously you were known as Chhaggu Dwivedi and previous to that you were called Raju. You started your professional career as a black ticket seller and later worked as beggar-gang’s program manager for 3 years near Safdarjung flyover. It is in this role where a big builder who had an eye for talent noticed you and you were recruited by the real estate lobby. As per your latest interview records your short term and long term goals are pretty well-defined. In next 5 years you see yourself as an independent MLA and in next 10 years you see yourself as a executive assistant to a big real-estate developer in Greater Noida.”

“On a personal front you have a mistress by name Sapna who stays in Pitampura and about which your wife is aware but ignores this fact for sake of her kids. Sapna’s younger cousin Jolly has to appear for a Bank P.O. test today but he skipped it as he had to visit doctor with his girlfriend Roshni today who is 2-months pregnant. Although Jolly thinks it is his child, Roshni is actually cheating Jolly for another guy and that kid belongs to another guy,” Banshee finished and started to get into his car.

However on seeing Mr. Khanna in a state of extreme shock Banshee further continued, “Well to be completely honest that guy Roshni is cheating Jolly with is me and the kid in her womb is mine, we are planning to tell Jolly in a couple of days. I was in a hurry to reach that doctor’s place and that’s why I overtook your car. I am sorry for all the inconvenience I have caused you, but if you are really hurt here is my visiting card, please give me a call and we can catchup for a cup of coffee and sort out our differences.”

And Banshee left the scene while Mr. Khanna fainted at the spot. Mr. Khanna was later rushed to Apollo hospital where he will now be treated for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

While it is not yet clear if Mr. Khanna will be able to get back to his usual road-rage routine pretty soon, as per sources his son is planning to buy a brand new high-end racer bike in order to continue the age-old road-rage family tradition with utmost pride and honor.