Bangalore. Monty Chopra, a 28 year old software engineer settled in Bangalore has decided to call it quits and return to his home state Delhi. He has blamed the lack of road rage opportunities for his decision.
“In 5 years, I have never had a meaningful productive street brawl..pencho. Whenever I overtake from the wrong side, people in Bangalore just ignore me and move on. I took all this in my stride, but yesterday, one motorist apologized to me for his mistake. That was the last straw, can’t take this any more,” said a visibly upset Monty.
Monty’s colleague from Gurgaon, Kirat Vohli, who is also based in Bangalore was equally morose and told Faking News, “In Delhi.. banjo, we used to beat up someone almost daily on the roads. I once bashed up my own father for parking in my regular spot. But here, everyone is a spoilsport. They just say ‘hogoleyyyyy’ which is not even a mother-sister abuse. If we stay here any more, we will lose our macho culture.”
Kulwinder Bhullar, from Ghaziabad also had a sad tale. “In Delhi, I always greeted fellow road-ragers with ‘Tu Jaaanta nahi hain mera Baap kaun hain‘. This helped us know each others’ families well. Here toh ji, nobody cares or asks”.
Monty’s father Frame Chopra told Faking News, “That neighboring Kapoor family, 2 of their members have gone to jail for assaulting motorists and our son hasn’t been able to whack even a cyclist. My son has spoilt the khandaan’s name.”
Monty’s colleagues say that he has been in deep depression because of this issue and has become aggressive in office. “He keeps playing Road Rash on his mobile during scrum meetings,” said a visibly upset colleague Nanjegowda. Another colleague K.P.N. Stingyreddy complained, “During coffee breaks, Monty suddenly starts running, overtakes us from the left side and shows us the middle finger.”
Monty’s manager, Mr Chacko Thomas from Kerala, also appeared confused and told our correspondent, “I have tried my best to help him channel his energy. He keeps mentioning the Banjo every few minutes so I thought that’s his favorite musical instrument and arranged lessons for him at company cost but even that didn’t help.”
Meanwhile the Delhi Diaspora Association (DDA)of Bangalore has planned to gherao the Transport minister on this issue.
“We have demanded that designated roadrage lanes be made so that we can let out some steam by thrashing each other and hurling profanities at passing drivers. We have also complained about lack of availability of pistols and country made guns in Bangalore; can’t even shoot drivers who won’t back down. Also, we need a few out-of-order traffic signals spread across the city so that we can jump signals and initiate arguments and brawls,” said the secretary of the DDA, Rajpal Gujjar.
Mimes View – Delhi has shown that road rage is an ideal way by which the community gets to know each others’ fathers and other ancestors, and also keep the rising population in check. The Bangalore administration should take all possible steps to retain and encourage talents like Monty so that they can do their bit for Namma Bengaluru.