Sunday, 29th March, 2020


#WhyArnobSoLoud gets Scientists and Researchers to look for answers everywhere

14, Mar 2015 By Ad-min

Nimith Dadidich, University of Space Research Santa Cruz is reading the latest beauty columns. His dark circles have become darker in the last few days.

“I just can’t sleep until I answer India’s most asked but never answered question #WhyArnobSoLOud. It keeps blaring in my head in full volume. I must have the answers for breakfast tomorrow,” he says, as sweat trickles down a bruise that lines his eyebrows.

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The nation wants to know

Dadidich with his colleagues go to Arnob’s house every day, sneaking up the pipes only to fall off and find black and blue all over. While a few days got wasted in debating if the bruises were ‘Black-n-Blue’ or ‘White-n-Gold’, they have managed to obtain his voice samples which they are going to study under the Electronic Audioscope.

Of key importance are the ones they have obtained by following him to the Library. These are the same samples that lead to the emergency evacuation of the entire neighborhood when he mumbled the name of a 1995 novel by Theodore Taylor. The book was called “The Bomb.”

This is the same voice that has been revered, worshipped, adored and even feared by his rivals Shamdeep Sevai and Sarkha Dutt. Having tried to emulate this and having failed they have apparently hired detectives to find out from how and where he gets his thunderous speech.

There is speculation that they have hired prominent researchers of the Hush Hour Institute, who were key players in mapping the elephant genome project, to examine examining Arnob’s DNA from his stolen hair sample obtained from the branch of a Champa tree that he climbed to pluck flowers for his wife. This is rumored to have been procured by Shamdeep after bribing the watchmen with Gulab Jamuns and Sevais made by his wife Ghagarika.

The Hush Hour Institute researchers trying to understand if his loud booming voice is a function of hereditary, perhaps a dormant gene that may have become one that dominates the entire nation and its imagination.

“There are some patterns that we are suspecting may point us in a new direction. We are all sort of thinking this discovery may make us the next Verbal Superpower,” a researcher said.

A group of researchers from the Day Dreamer’s Inc think they may have uncovered a lead.

“We heard his loud voice booming even in the din of wedding celebrations. And then his wife dropped a hint. Apparently he has been like this since he bought a new vehicle,” disclosed a researcher.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a caaaar? Only time will tell.