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6 solutions to Shinde's refusal to provide security to IPL this year

21, Feb 2014 By indianpsycho

New Delhi. Home Minister Sushil Kumar Shinde has conceded it would be impossible for his government to provide security to IPL this year due to it clashing with general elections. Faking News has some alternative solutions to offer, which IPL bosses may consider after paying us the consultation fees:

Shinde IPL
A stressed out Shinde after realizing he may not be able to attend IPL parties if it is shifted out of India.

1. BCCI can ask Shinde to provide security cover in IPL without the knowledge of government or any other entity. To be able to pull off such a feat is a child’s play for Shinde as he is an expert in this domain, having already displayed this talent when Arvind Kejriwal was Delhi’s Chief Minister. So if not officially, Shinde can surely provide security unofficially.

2. Alternatively, N Srinivasan can eye the post of CM of Delhi. He can always get outside support of any party to become one. He has plenty of experience when it comes to taking support of entities to achieve something, be it for him, or for his son-in-law, or even his IPL team CSK. And once he is the CM, even Shinde will be duty bound and go out of his way to provide security to him wherever he goes. He has to go to all IPL matches.

3. Since Narendra Modi offered to stage all matches in Gujarat the last time IPL clashed with general elections in 2009, this time BCCI could deny him this chance and pro-actively shift IPL to Robert Vadra occupied land also known as Haryana. Stadiums can be built on those lands with the help of former sponsor DLF. And when Mr. Vadra is in picture, there is no question of government not being able to provide security.

4. IPL can be held inside parliament premises, as it will be lying vacant during the elections. The MPs there have the ability to generate noise that is much higher in decibels than that generated by spectators at Eden Gardens and Arnab Goswami combined. RLD MLAs who recently stripped in UP assembly can then be called to parliament and they can make for an excellent replacement for cheerleaders. Parliament already has security.

5. Elections can be delayed or may be even scrapped. BCCI may have to take support of AAP and Congress to make it possible. Both the parties would be very keen to delay or scrap the elections respectively for different reasons.

6. IPL can be scrapped. Fans can directly ask results of each and every game from Gurunath Meiyappan and Raj Kundra. These guys must have surely finalized the outcomes related to most of the games and can come up as big help in this crisis situation. To pass time, fans may watch recordings of earlier IPL matches.