Sunday, 22nd September, 2019

Snippets

BCCI replaces Harsha Bhogle with journalists, read their commentary during a cricket match

12, Apr 2016 By Shaitaan Khopdi ™

Mumbai: Cricket fans who are used to hearing Harsha’s symphony, were jolted out of their seats after they heard Sidhu’s cacophony during the first IPL match. To avoid awful commentary, they tried everything, like switching to Sony Six, Sony Max. Some IT engineers out of sheer habit even restarted their TV sets hoping that this will solve the issue but to no avail.

Harsha Bhogle
Harsha Bhogle smiling after listening to his replacements

As expected, IPL TRPs plummeted and BCCI had to do damage control. Rajiv Shukla roped in senior journalists from Indian media houses to do the commentary. When Shaitaan Khopdi™ asked him why replace commentators with journalists, he said, “They are good to toe the line and push the agendas given to them. This works well for BCCI.”

As an experiment, news anchors were given 10 minutes slots each during the match between Kings XI Punjab and Gujarat Lions. Following are some of the comments made by the journalists during the match.

 Shekhar Gupta: Superb performance by Dwayne Bravo today, the West Indian bowler. He is not as fast as the greats of yesteryears but still useful. Talking about their fast bowlers, reminds me of the time I met the fearsome Joel Garner. Sitting in a quaint little place in Barbados, we were sipping some fine spiced Rum, the wind was blowing, the weather was fine, the sun was shining when I asked Joel, Joel do you .. (Producer in Gupta’s earpiece- Sir Match is over. Thank you)

Rajdeep Sardesai: Very well played by Aaron Finch today, the man who plays for Green and Gold of Australia. Will the RW Gujaratis now embrace the Green of Finch? Will the national media report this coming together of Green with Saffron or is Mohali too far away for Delhi media? Song for the night- Yeh Dooriyaan sung by Mohit Chauhan from Love Aaj Kal. (Producer: Sir Good night, so jao aap)

Barkha Dutt: Interesting to note that there is no player from the minorities in both these sides. Is this inclusiveness or brazen majoritarianism. What will it take for India to improve its treatment of minorities? Watch The Buck Stops Here, tonight at 9PM. (Producer: Ma’m your commentary stops here)

Sagarika Ghose: Very interesting match between Punjab and Gujarat. Will the Modi-bhakts enjoy their match or will they spend their time in trolling me online? Why can’t the bhakts get a life instead of talking about me all the time? Why are they so threatened by my intellect? (Producer: Ma’m please go back to Twitter)

Rohit Sardana: Flood lights ke beech ye match khela jata hua. Light ki Delhi me bahut pareshaani hai. Kabhi aati hai, kabhi nahi aati aur Kejriwal sarkaar is baat par maun hai. Na hi theek se paani ki supply ho rahi hai, na hi safai karmchaari theek se kaam kar rahe hain lekin Kejriwal ji apni advertisements dene me vyast hain.  (Producer: Sir Zee News nahin hai ye)

Ravish Kumar: Aap sirf meri awaaz sun paa rahe honge kyunki screen par humne kaala parda daal diya hai. Aaj jab desh me laakhon log bhookhe so rahe hain, bina bijli aur paani ke jee rahe hain, aise me ye IPL naamak party dekh kar aapko apne aap se nafrat nahi ho jaati? Jab desh se gareebi aur jaativaad ka andhera uthega, tabhi screen par se ye kaala parda uthega. (Producer: Sir aapka mic off kar diya hai.)

BCCI president Shashank Manohar who was listening to all this in his VIP box, shook his head in disappointment, took out his phone and started typing an email, “Dear Harsha, As I understand, there was a slight miscommunication. Lets talk in detail over dinner.”