Sydney. Even after winning the recent test series against India, Cricket Australia is quite disappointed with their team performance as they could not beat India 4-0 and whitewash just like they did to their arch rivals England.
One CA spokesperson told Faking News, “We should have won 4-0 but instead it was a humiliating 2-0 win and we will have to take some important measures to enhance our team performance. When we were not able to beat them 4-0 at first, we wondered if Indian team has learnt to play on fast and bouncy pitches.”
He further added, “We had our expert research team do the analysis of the series and to our relief we found that it’s not that Indian players’ cricket expertise has improved, but it’s their sledging that has improved significantly.”
“To research further, I personally went to Delhi (Kohli’s hometown as he is a master of sledging) and trust me as soon I reached their, I immediately realized from where Kohli has mastered this art,” he went on to reveal.
“There were more curse words per sentence than I speak in an entire day, which was shocking! I tried to gather more information and found that the kids are trained from their early childhood days and once they are in school they get required exposure and slowly master the art by the time they come in 5th grade.”
“And the vocabulary they used was just amazing, I mean they had so much variety in their curse words that it was phenomenal. And how they improvised was also amazing. They have the ability to mix up a word and come up with 10 new curse words around it.”
“Now we have decided to hire a group of Delhi boys (a group by the name Delhi k launde) to teach our players these tactics so that next time we can save ourselves from embarrassment and whitewash India, by becoming world class ‘sledgers’.”
“We are already seeing some progress as last time when I visited the dressing room, I was greeted by the Australian captain as “Bh*n de t*kke” and slangs like “Teri M** di” and “Teri Bh*n Di” were used extensively by the team. The training team from Delhi mentions that the Aussie players are learning pretty quickly and soon they would be introducing more advance level of curses and also since Indian team has players from all different regions of India they will also teach them region specific curses so the Aussie team can target each player individually,” the spokesperson of CA finally concluded.
When we spoke with Mr. Dude from “Delhi k Launde” on this topic he said, “After doing my engineering I didn’t have any job like most of the engineers and was hanging around with my friends on a tea stall near my IAS coaching Institute. We met this fellow from Cricket Australia and he offered us this onsite position which is dream for any engineer, so we grabbed it without any hesitation and all those years of experience gathered while doing engineering finally helped us in successfully doing our job.”