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FIFA World Cup final breaks blackboard's record of being cluelessly watched by millions

14, Jul 2014 By idiot420

New Delhi. The much awaited Football World Cup 2014 final between Argentina and Germany has broken an Indian record, which was previously held by school blackboards, where the record holder was watched by millions of Indians who didn’t understand much about what was going on in front of their eyes.

As per a report published by Hindustan Statistical Institute (HSI), around 12 million Indian non-football fans stayed up all night almost cluelessly staring at TV sets and waiting for the World Cup to end. All this while, they allegedly tweeted out of pure excitement of the game.

Man on chair
A very excited Indian man watching WC final.

“Earlier, we witnessed and documented such an incident on 27th August 1993, when near about 9 million high-school students across India stared at blackboards in their maths classes without understanding much, but pretending to understand everything,” revealed Anubhav Banerjee, a senior HSI official.

This 21 years old record held by blackboards was finally broken last night, Banerjee claims.

While the record is similar in terms of clueless gazing at an object, Mr. Banerjee pointed out one important difference between the two events: “In case of blackboards, there were class teachers in the classes who made it possible, but in case of Football World Cup final, people did it voluntarily.”

However, human behavior experts say that during the World Cup final, role of class teacher was played by an unknown fear.

Faking News talked to a few yawning non-football fans on why they watched the match. “I couldn’t have afforded to sound like a clueless idiot when my friends would have discussed the match today,” Karan, one of the fans said.

“Well, yes, I did feel like a clueless idiot then,” Karan conceded when this reporter asked if he could understand why Argentina was disallowed a goal citing some “offside” rule.

Others were more open and honest about their cluelessness.

“I felt was possessed,” claimed 34-year-old Alok Sharma, who was also one of those students who were staring at the blackboard back in 1993, “I had no idea about the names of the players. In fact, I didn’t even know which country wore which colors. But an unknown force forced me to sit before the TV almost all night.”

Alok did enjoy some players colliding though, just the way he enjoyed his class teacher drawing a tangent to the circle 21 years ago. “I imagined a ball rolling down on a land when that tangent was drawn,” he recalled, “I similarly imagined WWE wrestling when those collisions happened.”