Mumbai. BCCI today announced a 15 member squad for the World Cup 2015. The squad is named Individual#1 to Individual#15.
Announcing the team, the BCCI spokesperson said, “In recent times, there have been a lot of complaints that we are not walking along the lines of Indian judiciary. Going into the World Cup, we, as a sports body, decided to follow Indian judiciary as much as we can. We know our investigation procedures are different from that of the judiciary and that judiciary sometimes even doubts clean chits given by BCCI panel.”
“However, when it comes to naming cricketers, we completely agree with judiciary and would like to announce the World Cup 2015 squad as Individual#1 to Individual#15. If judiciary can be a good sport about not naming the cricketers in Spot fixing scandal etc, BCCI can too. Henceforth, all Indian cricketers selected for national squad will be numbers and names,” the BCCI spokesperson confirmed.
Answering the question about the confusion it would cause among the cricket fans, while following a game, or impact of it to the commentators and the sports writers, he said “At first, yes, it will be confusing. Then you will get used to it. Consider a commentary addressing the Individuals with adjectives – Talented, Highly-Talented, Semi-Talented, Supposedly-Talented, Seldom-Talented, Rarely-Talented, Talentless, Highly-Talentless, Supposedly-Talentless, Frequently-Talentless and Always-Talentless. The adjectives would cover a playing 11 at any given time, considering all the 11 players of different ‘Talent levels’.”
“If there are 2 Semi-Talented players in playing eleven, they will be addressed with adjectives Semi-Talented Individual#1 and the other Semi-Talented Individual#7. I think you are getting the idea”, BCCI spokesperson elaborated non-stop about the new scheme of things.
When asked about whether few former players are also included in the squad, the BCCI spokesperson got highly infuriated, “See! The whole point of numbering the players is to avoid identity. Now, you are asking about certain left-hander, so called flamboyant, a be-spectacled so called Nawab, the slappy, often sloppy, and just for the fun, the slapped too. This is outrageous. Let us just say these guys are outnumbered and leave it at that.”
Then the BCCI spokesperson went on to explain about the number an individual cricketer’s jersey will reflect while batting to make it easy for the commentators and while bowling to make it easy for the batsmen to target a specific number etc.
From the narration, it seemed like even Duckworth and Lewis would find it difficult to understand and the Faking News correspondent, a cricket enthusiast himself, thanked the BCCI Spokesperson#2 and left in a hurry to watch a game of EPL, where names of the players would be difficult to pronounce, but easy to follow compared to numbers.