Mumbai. In a sensational development, Ravi Shastri, the former Indian cricketer and commentator has revealed himself to be a “Terminator” sent back from the future. He has reported his actual name to be “T-Shastri”, and that his mission is to protect cricket in its traditional form.
While the discovery has certainly come as a surprise to many quarters, the shock value isn’t as high as might have been expected.
“In hindsight, it seems rather obvious,” said Harsha Bhogle, who has shared the commentary box with Ravi Shastri on many occasions. “He never seemed to have any voice modulation, never made grammatical mistakes and never went on loo breaks. And when I tried to talk him into an exciting bulk discount offered by my hair transplant surgeon, he refused stubbornly. Clearly there’s a metal endoskeleton under his balding scalp.”
In an eerie similarity to its fictional counterpart, T-Shastri predicts the arrival of the “Judgment Day”, when all the traditional forms of cricket – Test cricket and ODI cricket – would be wiped out leaving only the most recent version of the game.
“The T-20 unit is stronger, more intelligent and more resilient and would soon render the other versions obsolete. The cricket planet would eventually be overrun with various versions of the T-20 model,” T-Shastri predicted the doomsday in an exclusive interview to Faking News, and referred to the IPL as an indicator of the trend.
Given this discovery, it is speculated that T-Shastri might have had an active role to play in the state the IPL finds itself in today. Scientists have conjectured that “The Resistance” might have meant T-Shastri to corrupt T-20 by weakening IPL. T-Shastri’s role as a member of IPL’s technical committee is seen as an infiltration and subsequent plantation of a virus.
While T-Shastri refused to comment on these speculations, he let out a startling secret about IPL. “Lalit Modi is also a Terminator sent back in time, but by the T-20 machines to belie my efforts,” he revealed, “The BCCI should arrest him and make incisions into his forearms, they would find the underlying metal arm.”
Following these shocking revelations, BCCI has moved quickly to protect its interests. The boards has brought in a team of computer scientists from the US and paired them with a technical committee of pre-scanned cricket experts. But instead of arresting Lalit Modi, BCCI has decided to target T-Shastri.
T-Shastri was taken away by the BCCI technical team even before it could be interviewed by various sports journalists, who waited for Faking News interview to end. Even as it was being hauled by the technical team, T-Shastri turned to television cameras and said, “I will be back.”