Tuesday, 31st March, 2020


Doctor invents pills for politicians causing instant chest pain

19, Oct 2011 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. A doctor working at AIIMS has created a pill that can cause instant chest pain to politicians planning to avoid custody in cases of corruption. The pill, tentatively named Lokpill, can be gulped down without water or milk by an accused politician, who will instantly feel a palpable, but not fatal, pain around his heart. The politician can then rightfully ask to be shifted to a hospital instead of being taken to jail.

“We often receive requests from politicians for issuing medical certificates that can enable them to be hospitalized when an arrest warrant is issued against them,” Dr. Harishchandra Yadav, the inventor of Lokpill, told Faking News, “Many of them would be quite hale and hearty but would insist on being declared pale and sick.”

One pill a day, keeps the police away.

“We were caught between duty and safety in such situations,” he added.

Sick of such demands, Dr. Harishchandra decided to find a way out. Initially he asked Medical Council of India (MCI) to issue “Anticipatory Medical Reports” to politicians who fail to get anticipatory bail.

“Now that we have enough empirical data to find a correlation between sickness and rejected anticipatory bails, I thought MCI could use them to issue anticipatory medical reports, which can be used by politicians as an alternative to anticipatory bails,” Dr. Harishchandra explained his concept, which was rejected by the MCI on grounds of being “infeasible”.

“I tried my best to convince MCI,” he said, “Anticipatory medical reports could have been helpful to corporate employees and students as well, who are always likely to fall sick during cricket matches, outdoor picnics, or similar events; HR data from various companies or leave applications from educational institutes can prove it.”

While MCI agreed that an empirical connection between illness and events could be established in aforementioned cases, it asked Dr. Harishchandra to think something more “practical”, which led to the idea of a pill that causes non-fatal heartache.

“The concept is plain and simple and no doctor on earth could dispute the findings,” a visibly happy Dr. Harishchandra explained, “An accused… I mean a wannabe patient, can take these emergency pills the moment a police team comes knocking at the door. The police will have no other option but to take the honorary politician to the nearest hospital.”

“Although I’m not sure if corporate employees or students would like to take this pill, but they can try,” he said.

Dr. Harishchandra said that Lokpill was safe and could be used without prescription from a registered medical practitioner. The pill will be available in all medical stores after Diwali.

“It is also free from any adverse side effects such as honesty or truthfulness,” Dr. Harishchandra assured the politicians who could bulk order Lokpill.