Monday, 27th January, 2020


Possibility of having Gorillas on Mars fails to excite monkeys

04, Mar 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Latest reports indicating presence of Gorillas on Mars might have stirred up passions and curiosity among the human beings, but the incident has had no effect on world’s apes and monkeys. Most of the monkeys whom Faking News could talk to, showed no excitement or emotions whatsoever over the latest findings. The possibility of Gorillas inhabiting Mars was revealed after scientists released pictures taken by Mars Spirit Rover.

“Who cares man?” was the nonchalant and rather contemptuous response of Munnu, the monkey at Patna Zoo. “There might be Gorillas there, so what? Are they (human beings) going to build zoos over there too? Or are they going to start Save our Gorillas campaign now?” wondered Munnu.

Monkey Brothers
The daily routine of most of the monkeys remained undisturbed even after the news went public

Similar sentiments were echoed by monkeys of all breeds and build, who thought that the so-called discovery didn’t mean anything to them.

“First they claimed to find aliens, then water, and now Gorillas on Mars. What’s going on boss? Next they would claim that there were terrorists on Mars and NASA will attack its surface. Or maybe they would start naming Gorillas on Mars after their heroes. But a Gorilla called Shah Rukh Khan is not as flattering as a Lunar Crater named SRK, eh?” mocked another monkey approached by our reporter.

The monkeys told us not to bother them with such useless pieces of information and asked us find out when the prices of bananas and other fruits could come down in the commodities market. Monkeys complained that they were not being fed with as much bananas these days as before, and they feared if feeding monkeys was getting financially exacting for their patrons.

Our reporter excused himself to interview other monkeys, who could share the excitement of human beings. After much hunting and persuasion, a few monkeys, especially those living around temple areas, agreed to comment on the issue, although even they seemed least excited about it. These monkeys believed that the finding was something they already knew about.

“Mars is known as Mangal in Hindi, and Mangal is the day of Lord Hanuman. We always knew that there was some connection between Monkeys and Mars. It doesn’t come as a surprise or any discovery to us.” said Babu, the monkey residing near Sankat Mochan Temple in Varanasi.

But despite the lukewarm response of the monkeys, human beings continue to greet the news with much fanfare.

“Oh cool! We could have a new King Kong movie where the giant ape strikes down a NASA space shuttle to save a sexy astronaut. Man, this is fantastic!” said George, a scriptwriter at Universal Studios when apprised of the latest finding by the modern science.