New Delhi. A crack team of Delhi police is all set to leave for Istanbul to train their Turkish counterparts on the use of water cannons “democratically”. The team is going there on personal request of Turkish PM, Tayyip Erdogan.
Speaking exclusively to Faking News, Mr. Erdogan said, “We used tear gas and water cannons once and everyone started calling me a dictator. We have seen Delhi police use tear gas on students and nobody was labeled a dictator. Women protesting for safe Delhi were beaten up with sticks and nobody was called a dictator. They use water cannons for fun every other day and nobody calls Indian PM a dictator. We need to learn from them how they manage to appear democratic even when they are crushing all these protests.”
“We wanted to bring them in on the very first day of protests but we didn’t know who we should contact. We contacted Delhi’s Chief Minister, Mrs Sheila Dixit, she told us she isn’t responsible for Delhi police. In fact, she asked whether she can come and stay in Istanbul for a few days as she doesn’t feel safe in Delhi. We tried contacting Indian Home Minister but he wasn’t available, eventually we caught hold of Indian Foreign Minister Mr. Salman Khurshid who heeded our request and agreed to help us out.”
When contacted, Mr. Khurshid said, “This is a positive step towards closer India-Turkey relationship. The money we will make by exporting our expertise in handling protests will boost our economy and Mr. Erdogan will become a democratic leader by fighting protests, India style. This is a win-win situation for both.”
Mr. Erdogan is also going to give a “live” interview on Turkish national TV to prove that he is not a dictator. He will also prove that he hasn’t committed any crime and is completely innocent. When we asked how an interview will prove all this, Mr. Erdogan said, “Once again India has come to my rescue. I have seen so many Indians prove their innocence by crying on national TV, whether the charges were of match-fixing, misgovernance, or corruption, few tears is all it takes to wipe away all charges. Do you think only Indian leaders can cry on national TV?” He winked as he walked off.
After trying for several hours, we eventually managed to track down a police inspector who will be part of this crack team to be sent to Turkey. When we asked him what he hopes to achieve on this trip to Turkey, he replied, “I hope to return with at least 2 bottles of Chivas Regal from the duty free.”