Sunday, 29th March, 2020


Delhi wife-beaters to help Libyan rebels fight Gaddafi’s female bodyguards

07, Mar 2011 By Simon

Benghazi, Libya. Libyan rebel leaders have recruited 50 aam aadmi from the streets of Delhi to fight alongside them in their struggle against Gaddafi’s forces. The rebel leaders reckon that regular Indian men would be the perfect counter to Gaddafi’s elite female bodyguard, often called the Amazonian Guard, after they found out that Indian men lead the world in violence against women as per the latest International Men and Gender Equality Survey.

“These guys have no problem hitting women,” said a masked rebel commander in Benghazi, “Gaddafi is recruiting Touaregs from Mali, so we need to be an international force too; we need to recruit the best, and when it comes to slapping women these guys are simply the best.”

Gaddafi, Qaddafi, Kaddafi, and his bodyguards
Libyan leader Gaddafi is protected by a 40-member all-women all-virgin bodyguard contingent. All the members, hand-picked by Gaddafi himself, are trained in martial arts and using firearms.

The first squad of ten Delhiites arrived in East Libya last week for training in local domestic violence techniques, including shoe based combat. Despite promising early signs (“I never thought of this: I usually use a belt but a shoe is so much dirtier”) the rebels leaders have had difficulty getting the Indians to carry out their “women management” mission in public.

“All our experience is in low profile combat, planning, sneaking up on the enemy when they least expect it, you know, undercover ops,” said Deepak, 38, a member of the “special force” out there to help the Libyan rebels, “but they want us to do this in the street… that’s not in our culture, someone might see.”

“I am very pleased this is now being seen as a skill,” said Rohit, 48, who has been beating wife Pratima for two decades, “it takes a certain attitude and a lot of balls to be an effective practitioner of woman management.”

Faking News asked Pratima if she was worried about her husband facing a squad of elite gun-toting, martial arts trained bodyguards, “No!”, she said, “I’m sure it will be a useful experience for everyone.”

Women’s rights activist, Sushma Sharma, agrees, “I am usually dead against the threat of male violence against women,” she explained, “but in this case I think it will be progressive.” She is preparing a list of politicians, actors, sports personalities and assorted public figures for the Libyan rebels to target in their recruitment drives.

Faking News called Rahul Mahajan’s agent who confirmed that he is free in March, April, and May.