London, UK. Prince Charles’ proposed “eco-village“, planned for Karnataka or West Bengal, is not merely a charity project, Faking News can reveal. Building a state-of-the-art settlement for 1,500 people may appear to be an act of philanthropy by the heir to the British throne, but the village is in fact a front for Charles’ regal ambitions: The Prince will rule the villagers as an “absolute sarpanch”, or “King” of the village.
Charles has obviously become tired of the lack of respect shown by the British public, including the recent student protests in which dustbins were thrown at his car and his wife, the Duchess of Kent was “poked with a stick”. Compounding his frustration is his mother’s good health: the Queen has ruled for 58 years and refuses to die; her longevity keeps Charles off the throne.
“Charles is now 62 and is running out of time if he is going to rule Britain,” said Brian, an expert on the Royal Family in London, “he can’t get on Bigg Boss or Strictly Come Dancing, so the best thing for him to do is to go and find somewhere else to rule ‘cos Old Liz ain’t going anywhere. It’s traditional, that, people were always invading one another, bloody boring now,” he added, pausing to sell a mug with a picture of Princess Diana on it to a passing Japanese tourist.
A reliable contact on a reputable website revealed to Faking News that: “The Prince has been looking at some history books. He noticed that some of his relations once had quite a bit of luck in India, so he’s cancelled his little ‘invade Belgium’ plan and has been thinking about India”. The source claims the information came from WikiLeaks.
However, with rule in India split between Manmohan Singh and Sachin Tendulkar, there is no room for a national monarch. Responding to this situation, the Prince has allegedly decided to drop to “entry level” and become “Royal sarpanch” of his own village of 1,500 “grateful peasants”, which will be designed by India-expert, Danny Boyle and furnished traditionally (but not too brightly or sparkly) by FabIndia.
The RSS has claimed that the village is a “Christianizing crusade”, however a spokesman for the Prince rebuffed the accusation. “Charles will not do anything to get more followers for the Church of England because his mother is the Church’s Supreme Governor and he’s fed up of Mummy hogging the power,” said Brian, adding, “he will allow freedom of worship, including ‘freedom to worship the sarpanch’, he seems pretty keen on this idea, actually.”
Whilst the relocation of the Prince of Wales has proved controversial in India, a recent poll conducted in Britain showed that 99% of the British public think Charles leaving the country is a good idea.