Islamabad, Pakistan. In a major diplomatic victory over their arch rivals, India managed to beat Pakistan by a slender margin of 2 words when the two nations met for talks on the sidelines of the SAARC Home Ministers’ Conference here today. The words by both the countries were spoken over a duration of three days that included the foreign secretary level talks on Thursday and talks between the Home Ministers yesterday.
“Yes, we spoke two words more than them.” informed Indian Home Minister P Chidambaram about the outcome of the talks, which he claimed was fruitful and satisfactory for India.
According to the official scorers, identity of whom remains a secret but widely believed to be Americans, India spoke first on almost all the occasions and amassed 34,749 words in total, which apparently indicated a paradigm shift from ‘accusatory’ to ‘exploratory’ mode.
“An accusatory mode can’t produce so many words. It mostly starts and ends in two words – fuck you.” said Hillary Clintwood, one of the purported official scorers for the talks.
In response, Pakistan too spoke magnificently, matching India’s stellar verbal performance neck and neck, but in the end fell short by 2 words i.e. scoring 34,747 words over the whole duration.
“It could well have ended in a tie, but Pakistan seems to have lost the count somewhere in between.” Hillary said.
Some experts believe that Pakistan might have purposely spoken a fewer words in order to give India a sense of achievement, so that they (Indians) stopped insisting upon talks over Hafiz Saeed and thus scoring even more words in the process. While there are others, mostly in Pakistan, who believe that Pakistan lost because of match fixing.
“It was a clear case of match fixing. Our people were already taking about replacing words like ‘dossiers’ with ‘hearts’ in the middle of the things. We all know that dossiers score more than hearts any day, so why was that change in strategy adopted? We have thrown away this contest I tell you.” alleged Hamid Gul, a keen follower of talks in Pakistan.
Back in India, the news has been largely received positively in all quarters, but it’s not yet clear what were those two words that helped the nation score this decisive victory.
“I guess it was ‘trust deficit’; once we mentioned it, Pakistan agreed to it and no further words were exchanged over the issue.” P Chidambaram said.