Raqqa, Syria: As per reliable Faking News sources in Raqqa, world’s leading terrorist organization ISIS is no longer sure what they want to achieve through their terrorist activities. This situation has arisen after the top leadership of ISIS spent last 24 hrs reading articles on the real aim of ISIS.
Speaking to the media from his hideout in Raqqa, a senior ISIS operative said, “After the attack in Brussels, all of us went online to see how media is reporting it, big big mistake. We came across articles explaining what ISIS really wants on every news website and by the time we were done reading them, we are no longer sure what we want. Do we want what they want us to want or do we want what we want? What do we want?”
Explaining the confusion further, he said, “One article says we want to spread our version of Islam in Europe, another article says we want to make Europe unlivable for Muslims so that all of them come to our territory giving legitimacy to our caliphate, another article says we are forcing more people to migrate to Europe, another says we want all migrants to return from Europe, total bheja fry has happened leaving us totally confused.”
A close confidant of Al Baghdadi has also confirmed the confusion in ISIS ranks. Speaking to Faking News on the condition of anonymity, he said, “Boss has told all of us to leave him alone for a while. He is busy preparing a Powerpoint Presentation showing the goals of our organization. So far he has made little progress and I think we may have to hire those PPT experts, consultants. Only problem is, they cost more than the weapons we need to buy.”
Senior Anti-Terror experts have already claimed that this is a major win against ISIS. “We have always been saying that we must not use force against ISIS. Newspaper articles are the weapons that will ultimately defeat ISIS. Now that they aren’t even sure of their aims then there is no point in fighting any more. They will be surrendering soon I am sure”, said a leading New York based journalist.
Meanwhile, UN General Secretary Ban ki Moon has requested countries around the world to replace 10% of their soldiers with Op-Ed writers to defeat terrorism quickly.