Thursday, 2nd April, 2020


ISIS says 'No' to Indian recruits, cites poor performance in terror induction training

18, Sep 2014 By Shaitaan Khopdi ™

Syria. The news of 100 Indian youth joining ISIS might have shocked the entire nation but according to sources, ISIS is no less traumatized to see the results. ISIS has not only decided to send these youth back, but also have blacklisted India and won’t be recruiting from the subcontinent in near future.

While MEA (Ministry of External Affairs) might be taking credit for successful return of these young boys, sources tell that these boys are actually rejected by ISIS training wing after they performed poorly in their induction program.

ISIS Trainingg
Their training part is definitely not easy.

A local lSIS leader informed our reporter the reason behind the decision:

“Indian students never pay attention to the theory classes. Their attendance is very poor. They always bunk classes but then mug up things just before exam and get better grades than student from other countries.”

“Not only that, they don’t perform a single lab exercise but always make up readings which look more believable than real readings. That day I asked few of them to explode a bomb and determine the destruction diameter, these guys came back after 1 hour with made up stats and took the explosive material home. Last I heard that they created crackers from it and were bursting them during Champions Trophy matches where a Pakistani T20 team won,” revealed the ISIS leader.

Sources also tell that when ISIS examiner marked them ‘Failed’ in the exam, one guy even sat on dharna demanding that evaluation sheets be made public.

Though he soon realized that after recent beheading of journalists, media coverage was the last thing expected in Syria, and moreover ISIS don’t give a damn to such democratic means. Nonetheless, ISIS was shocked to see all these.

“We have burnt our fingers trying to hire from India. These guys are spoilt by their liberal democracy. Recruits from Pakistan, Bangladesh, and China are far more disciplined and less demanding,” another ISIS leader was heard speaking.

All this while a dejected IM operative (name withheld just for fun) in Kerala who hires for ISIS through a job portal has put his own resume on as his recruitment agency faces shutdown.

In a private chat, he told Shaitaan Khopdi™, “Terrorism market is just booming and I was expecting increase in demand. But because of the bunch of idiots I may have to shut the shop. I am feeling like a diabetic in a candy store. All because of the screwed up education system in India. Students bunk classes, ddon’t pay attention to the lessons. Obviously! When you have a 12th pass lady made the HRD minister what else would you expect?”