Wednesday, 19th February, 2020


Japan builds 400 km sea wall to fend off Kaiju attack from film Pacific Rim

24, Mar 2015 By brendan9

Tokyo: The Japanese government has approved a plan to build a massive 400 kilometre Kaiju resistant wall along its coastline after the movie Pacific Rim made a delayed release in the island nation. This has been attributed to the Censor Board of Film Certification in Japan being headed by an eminent member of the Indian community.

Believing the movie to be a foreboding of things to come and after watching the aliens in Avengers come down from the sky, the government decided that between the two movies and the possibility of a world-wide Zombie threat as portrayed in World War Z, building a wall around their nation was not half a bad idea.

The Japanese Union Minister for Infrastructure and Development had this to say about the matter, “If the Chinese can build a big wall, why can’t we?”

The fact that the weight of this enormous construct could accelerate the sinking of the nation into the Pacific, which it is presently at the rate of 1 centimetre a year, was too small a margin for the government to consider. The entire board of the National Geology Society of Japan has since then resigned to protest this issue. A new board has since then been put into place by the government and includes singers from major bands in the country. It seems they understand types of rock like nobody else.

The wall being built.
The wall being built.

The Department of Robots has also been ordered by Prime Minister Shinzo Abe to build robots like those in Pacific Rim but which can also turn into cars like the Transformers so he can drive one around. Another different aspect to this demand is that the robots look like Manga characters so that they instil not fear but patriotism and high spirits among the citizens of the nation and they don’t wonder whether this awesome idea of his was just a waste of their money.

Kirohito ‘screwdriver’ Kato, chief of the Robotic Department is ecstatic about this step by the government. “Our PM wishes the robots to look like Manga characters because the USA has Captain America, China has Jackie Chan, Russia has Vladimir Putin, UK has Benedict Cumberbatch and Australia has Wolverine but Japan has nothing, nothing at all. So now we will!”

The ruling Liberal Democratic Party, known for supporting big construction tycoons has claimed to have almost familial relations with an Indian political party which supports energy tycoons. They have since sought their help in powering the construction of the wall and building a free floating port that doesn’t hinder the wall and help everyone’s friends make a huge profit in the bargain. This will also be seen as an active measure in boosting trade relations between the two South-Asian nations.

PM Abe says, “This Kaiju wall will not only be a protective umbrella for Japan, it will also usher in a new era of business co-operation between our two nations. #Abenomics”

Environmentalists claim that the proposed sea wall will badly affect marine life and will upset the delicate balance between jellyfish and sharks which could lead to an exponential drop in shark numbers thereby badly affecting the illegal fishing business. This could put about 20,000 jobs at risk and result in a loss of about 10 million yen a year to the fish mafia.

Renowned environmental activist Han Pomfreti says, “The excuse of building this wall is a very fragile one, just like the marine ecosystem. The loss of habitat to the myriad life out on the coastline will be huge and the monetary loss to the smugglers umm… fishermen, unimaginable. We will protest or die beneath the cement trucks of this ruthless administration.”

Meanwhile, conspiracy theorists claim that Japan is secretly building their own Large Hadron Collider in the guise of this wall to get ahead in this scientific race. They claim that a new cold war is brewing in the modern age but many fear that inadequate technology could eventually lead the Japanese to create a black hole and destroy all life on Earth.